Abuse: Abuse is an international problem.Questions, letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.
Letters from Surfers.
My son just turned 4 years old and his father has only been seeinghim for about the last year, first supervised visitation, now he gets him frequently. Nathan does not want to go with him and he usually has to persuade him in some way. Recently (last two months) we have noticed that Nathan won’t let me, babysitter out of his sight. We have to go to the restroom with him, he won’t go in his bedroom or any other room without someone with him. He tells me that Josh (his dad) tells him there are monsters in our house, monsters can kill you and so on. We have tried to explain to Nathan monsters are not real. My mom even went to the extreme of telling Nathan on Sunday morning when Josh came to pick him up that she had given him an "angel" and that God and his angel would protect him from anything, especially monsters. He came back that night mad at us because Josh had told him angels were evil monsters too! Is this considered mental abuse? Nathan is a changed child, very afraid, apprehensive and angry. Unsure what to do about it. Any help would be greatly appreciated.
May I offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks to you for the information on your website: ‘Abused: physical, verbal, emotional abuse of men, women & children
I don’t know if you are aware of the fact that very few site exist for those abused by women. I and my three sisters were brutally terrorized by our mother for all of our childhood. We are all in our 40s now, but her damage is still being perpetrated on to the next generation. One of my sisters repeated the abuse we suffered on her two girls. Another sister does not abuse her 4 children, but married an abuser and lets him abuse her and the children. The last sister I can’t tell you about, she ran away from home at age 15 (she’ll be 40 now if still alive) and we’ve not seen or heard from her since.
Just recently for some unknown reason I started looking on the internet for some kind of information on women abusers. I think maybe I was trying to find some understanding of why our mother would hate us so much and why she could torture and frighten and abuse us the way she did.
What I found shocked me so much David. I truly felt I had been abused all over again. Everywhere it talks of men as evil, raping, battering devils and women as helpless defenseless victims, and if they did abuse it was only in self defense – It truly felt like my pain and suffering didn’t count. Because a woman abused me it wasn’t really abuse nor is it important. I truly cannot tell you how that affected me. For a few weeks I started having the nightmares I’d had all my childhood and for a long time after leaving home and I started feeling that same physical panic in the pit of my stomach I lived with for so many years. It has been a very upsetting and difficult period.
I’m telling you this David, not to try to illicit sympathy or just to get it off my chest, but to try to illustrate to you how sincerely grateful I am to you and the very very few who are not blinded to the truth. Abuse hurts everyone.
I have read a speech from some American women who’s a ‘big-wig’ in the political arena. (I’m sorry I forget her name just now) But she stated that (in my own words but I do have the Link to the information page) But she said. "It’s possible a few men are suffering but this cannot detract from the suffering of women and it is not important against our suffering."
I’ve been so shocked at the manipulation of facts by the new feminists and their ability to get away with misquoting serious studies to fit in with what suits their purpose. Early on I found the N.O.W. (National Organization Of Women) website. I’d not realized at this time their gender bias and male hatred so I searched their site for ‘abusive women’, ‘violent women’ ‘women who abuse children’ and then tried ‘abused men’ battered men’ and ‘husband abuse’ but nothing was available.. 🙁 I e-mailed them to ask why this is so, and they replied that they had ‘no printed matter on the subject’
What is hurting me so much is I keep thinking of those who today are suffering at the hands of a woman as me and my three sisters did. Where can they go? When we were young we couldn’t go anywhere – I tried twice but no one really believed us and one adult I told actually went to see my mother to ask about what I’d told her (you can imagine the consequences of that stupid act – I was beaten to a pulp) One sister – the one who is now living with an abusive man – actually ran away to social services, but all they did was call our mother to come pick her up from their office. Poor Helen was beaten so badly she had to stay in for two weeks so no one would see her 🙁
So you see, telling anyone is a terrifying thing. But if everywhere you look it only talks of men abusing where can you go? I know I would not trust any of the shelters if they are all women and it states in their information ‘women and children’ I know that I could never dare trust an agency that thinks women are only victims or those that abuse are only defending themselves.
So Thank You very much David, you have done a most valuable thing 🙂
May I take this (early) opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a healthy and peaceful Holiday