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Letters about abuse from Cyberparent readers.

Abuse: Abuse is an international problem.Questions, letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.

Letters from Surfers.

My son just turned 4 years old and his father has only been seeinghim for
about the last year, first supervised visitation, now he gets him frequently.
Nathan does not want to go with him and he usually has to persuade him in some
way. Recently (last two months) we have noticed that Nathan won’t let me,
babysitter out of his sight. We have to go to the restroom with him, he won’t
go in his bedroom or any other room without someone with him. He tells me
that Josh (his dad) tells him there are monsters in our house, monsters can
kill you and so on. We have tried to explain to Nathan monsters are not real.
My mom even went to the extreme of telling Nathan on Sunday morning when Josh
came to pick him up that she had given him an "angel" and that God and his
angel would protect him from anything, especially monsters. He came back that
night mad at us because Josh had told him angels were evil monsters too! Is
this considered mental abuse? Nathan is a changed child, very afraid,
apprehensive and angry. Unsure what to do about it. Any help would be
greatly appreciated.

Gina


Dear David

May I offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks to you for the information
on your website: ‘Abused: physical, verbal, emotional abuse of men,
women & children

I don’t know if you are aware of the fact that very few site exist for
those abused by women. I and my three sisters were brutally terrorized
by our mother for all of our childhood. We are all in our 40s now, but
her damage is still being perpetrated on to the next generation. One of
my sisters repeated the abuse we suffered on her two girls. Another
sister does not abuse her 4 children, but married an abuser and lets him
abuse her and the children. The last sister I can’t tell you about, she
ran away from home at age 15 (she’ll be 40 now if still alive) and we’ve
not seen or heard from her since.

Just recently for some unknown reason I started looking on the internet
for some kind of information on women abusers. I think maybe I was
trying to find some understanding of why our mother would hate us so
much and why she could torture and frighten and abuse us the way she
did.

What I found shocked me so much David. I truly felt I had been abused
all over again. Everywhere it talks of men as evil, raping, battering
devils and women as helpless defenseless victims, and if they did abuse
it was only in self defense – It truly felt like my pain and suffering
didn’t count. Because a woman abused me it wasn’t really abuse nor is
it important. I truly cannot tell you how that affected me. For a few
weeks I started having the nightmares I’d had all my childhood and for a
long time after leaving home and I started feeling that same physical
panic in the pit of my stomach I lived with for so many years. It has
been a very upsetting and difficult period.

I’m telling you this David, not to try to illicit sympathy or just to
get it off my chest, but to try to illustrate to you how sincerely
grateful I am to you and the very very few who are not blinded to the
truth. Abuse hurts everyone.

I have read a speech from some American women who’s a ‘big-wig’ in the
political arena. (I’m sorry I forget her name just now) But she stated
that (in my own words but I do have the Link to the information page)
But she said. "It’s possible a few men are suffering but this cannot
detract from the suffering of women and it is not important against our
suffering."

I’ve been so shocked at the manipulation of facts by the new feminists
and their ability to get away with misquoting serious studies to fit in
with what suits their purpose. Early on I found the N.O.W. (National
Organization Of Women) website. I’d not realized at this time their
gender bias and male hatred so I searched their site for ‘abusive
women’, ‘violent women’ ‘women who abuse children’ and then tried
‘abused men’ battered men’ and ‘husband abuse’ but nothing was
available.. 🙁 I e-mailed them to ask why this is so, and they replied
that they had ‘no printed matter on the subject’

What is hurting me so much is I keep thinking of those who today are
suffering at the hands of a woman as me and my three sisters did. Where
can they go? When we were young we couldn’t go anywhere – I tried twice
but no one really believed us and one adult I told actually went to see
my mother to ask about what I’d told her (you can imagine the
consequences of that stupid act – I was beaten to a pulp) One sister –
the one who is now living with an abusive man – actually ran away to
social services, but all they did was call our mother to come pick her
up from their office. Poor Helen was beaten so badly she had to stay in
for two weeks so no one would see her 🙁

So you see, telling anyone is a terrifying thing. But if everywhere you
look it only talks of men abusing where can you go? I know I would not
trust any of the shelters if they are all women and it states in their
information ‘women and children’ I know that I could never dare trust
an agency that thinks women are only victims or those that abuse are
only defending themselves.

So Thank You very much David, you have done a most valuable thing 🙂

May I take this (early) opportunity to wish you and your loved ones a
healthy and peaceful Holiday

Yours sincerely

Sue


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