Abuse:Abusive relationships: Questions,letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.
Letters from Surfers
I guess I’ll start from the beginning. my brother divorced about 4 years ago, it was a nasty divorce, with the mother using the child as a pawn in the divorce. My brother was not one to fight back and therefore made the divorce go as quickly as possible. When the divorce was over joint custody was granted. When visitation began my nephew began displaying signs of mental abuse such as, saying he was left alone, his mommy wouldn’t talk to him…mostly petty things. but we all took them as in he was playing his mother and father against each other.
In September of 97 my brother committed suicide. leaving his son with his mother. She has been so far accommodating to the visitation for our family. However the problem of the stories has gotten worse. He throws extreme fits (he is 6 years old)to the point that he hurts himself. I saw him last night and he hadscratches all over his face. I had asked him how he had gotten them and he said that "his mommy wasn’t listening to him". I am just barely skimming the top of everything that has happened with his mother. She treats him like an adult, such as asking him 2 days after his father died, "If mommy died who do you want to live with"….. mind you he had just turned 5 at this time.
Bottom line my question is….is there anything I can do to help him…his mother doesn’t see that there is anything wrong with him….everytime I see him he falls further into his own world which isn’t anywhere close to reality.
Please advise Thank you
How do you regain self esteem after being in a completely draining abusiverelationship? I have been verbally, physically, and financially abused and am just trying to recover myself andeven trust men again. I am 28, people I trust think I am very attractive, I still look young enoughto be asked for my identification but I have no self esteem anymore. I just need to know how I can buildit. I have been in one only verbally abusive relationship with a alcoholic left him for a super cute, 24year old charmer and found myself after two years being verbally, physically abused since hethought I was cheating on him after we were to be married in 3 months. Of course, I was NOT unfaithfulto him but he is a Latin, extremely jealous obsessive man who always obsessed about thinking I wascheating on him. Finally, he exploded tearing up my apartment, throwing a chair at my beautifulpiano, broke the front door, and through me to the ground as hard as he could. I have left him, kickedhim out of the apartment. But, he tries to come back all charismatic and I really do not have muchself esteem to move on. After I found out he was telling my friends I was a whore after we broke up, Ihave decided to call block him and never let him back into my life again. It is hard totrust another man and build my self esteem again. Any suggestions ? I am a successful, financially selfsufficient woman(self employed) who somehow the men I have been involved with feel very inferior tothis. Economically, they were not equal and seemed to take it out on me for being successful. Iam now going to counseling to break the cycle because I cannot waste any more time in this kindof relationship. KP
My sisters & I have recently found out from our mother that our father hashad several extramarital affairs over the course of their 28 years of marriage. We have also found out that our father has started to physically abuse our mother. Because none of us lives at home anymore, we do not know the full extent of the emotional & physical abuse. What can we do to intervene for our mother? How should we confront our father? MJ
Maybe you could start by talking to your mother. In the long run, shewill have to help herself but you can certainly lend support, emotionally and financially.