Abuse: Questions, letters, venting andpleas for help from CyberParent readers.
Letters from Surfers.
I read your letters and am trying to start to recover from theresults of verbal then of course physical abuse. It’s awful that once their gone and of course move on to another victim you still love them and want them to be the person you fell in love with. My has been gone 8 months and we have an autistic daughter together she’s beautiful and he’s the best dad. I wish I could bottle that, but there is this monster lurking around the corner and it’s horrible. I tried to protect this new girl (being 21) and I 45 I say girl but, she wouldn’t listen because he’s putting his best foot forward, I wonder what she will think when it starts to happen and I’ve been assured it will it does not go away. I wish non of us men or women had to write about this but, sometimes at least you know that your not crazy and it is happening. thanks
Hi. My name is Elizabeth. I have a few ?’s I am hoping someone cananswer for me. I have a 9 month old daughter and live with my now ex-fiancée. Granted I know I have done things to upset him in the past, and I do take full responsibility for them. I have told him a few lies, but no not once cheated on him. Anyway, while I was pregnant, we were living at my dad’s house and he’d get mad at me and push me down a hallway, throw me into a washer, and pull my hair hard enough to drag me out of the bath tub. He is always calling me names such as "biggest pile of sh*t or b*tch he’s ever known, and telling me I’m worthless and lazy. Granted the apartment we now have isn’t immaculate, but there is a 9 month old here, I try my hardest. This past weekend, I had told him I wanted to see other people and went out with a few friends to go see a movie. When I got back, Dan was outside with a baseball bat. I didn’t see him. The male friend that brought me home gave me a kiss on my cheek because he knew I was going through a hard time. I get out, see Dan, and walk past him to go upstairs to the apartment. When I get up there and told him that yes I am sure it is over. He gets upset and throws the Christmas tree across the room. Shelby, the baby, was at my mom’s for the night. I tried leaving and he blocked the door and kept pulling at my arms and legs after I had thrown myself on the couch bawling. I told him to leave me alone but he persisted on following. He threw me down the hallway which made me run for the bedroom, before I could lock it, he was still grabbing my arms and legs as I was screaming for him to stop. I swung at him to keep him away and in turn, he wound up hitting my head 3 times, causing me to be in the ER with a concussion at 4am. He told the nurses we were playing on the bed and I fell off. Now I want out, but my mother says I need to stay with him because of Shelby. So does the rest of my family. They wont let me stay with them. They said that its my own fault that Dan hit me, because I shouldn’t have gone out. Dan is still apologizing but I don’t want to be with him anymore. My mother and he said that if I do move out (even though I have nowhere to go), that they will go for full custody of Shelby. The only place I can go is my friend Sue’s house, who isn’t a very clean person and doesn’t want Shelby there because she has 4 kids and only 3 bedrooms. We have the apartment through a housing plan governmentally funded and they said there is no way I can kick Dan out because both our names are on the lease. He can leave willingly but wont go back to MI where he is from because he said its too far away from Shelby. I guess I cant blame him on that one. Now what I could do is write a letter to the housing plan and tell them I am moving out, but then Dan would have to move too, and I know my mother would let him stay with her if need be with Shelby, but I refuse to let my daughter live with both of them. I won’t stay at a shelter either because I don’t trust them, like them, and would feel way too uncomfortable. Is there any advice you can give me or anything I can do????