Blended Families: Some conflicts of a blended family are almost inevitable. Yet, knowing what conflicts are likely to appear with stepchildren and spouse will make your new role as a parent in a blended family more smooth. |
Three More Blended
Family Problems:
1. One spouse feels his/her children are treated unequally in the family. His and her children:
2. Problems with the biological parent. A biological parent will be a real portion of your new married life, dead or alive.
Pearl Ketover Prilik, in her book Stepmothering, Another Kind of Love, gives advice that can apply to stepmothers or stepfathers. She writes, "It's uncomfortable to have someone in your life whom you may never have seen and may not like when you finally meet.... Stepmothers often resent being forced by their husbands of stepchildren, either directly or indirectly, into contact with a woman they would not, under normal circumstance, choose to have in their life in any context whatsoever. But in order to keep your sanity, you will have to learn how to integrate this woman's existence into your life." 3. Underestimating the bond of the biological parent who is now your spouse with his/her children. Quote: Taube Kaufman in her book The Combined Family A Guide to Creating Successful Step-Relationships writes, "One-parent families develop their own standards of conduct and methods of communicating. The longer parents and children are together,, the more entrenched they are likely to become in their own unique culture. There is a special bond, a silent code, between single parents and their children that is closed to outsiders." Underestimating this bond can give rise to negative feelings ranging from jealously to resentment of the children to feeling left out to a complete feeling of being unloved by your new spouse and his/her children. Prilik writes, "Some stepmothers are shocked to discover that they feel resentment, anxiety, jealousy, indifference, or even downright dislike for their stepchildren. These negative feelings are perfectly normal, but they are difficult to admit and still more difficult to face." |
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