Blended Family: All families, blended families included, have rules, limits, laws and ways of enforcing family rules.
Family Site Since 1997
Blended Family Rules and Dynamics.
Blended Family: The laws of the clans or the family rules. All families have ways of enforcing rules, limits, and the laws of their clan.
Rules are limits on what we can and can’t do in a family. Every family knows its own rules.
Taube Kaufman in her book The Combined Family says that enforcing rules (limits) is one of the most important functions of parents.
She writes, "Limits serve as boundaries, like the walls in a room. They can be bounced against, but they will remain standing. It is these same kinds of boundaries, or limits, that children need while they are growing up."
Rules are internalized and affect our behavior and feelings long after we have left home. Some rules may prevent a family from functioning as well as it can.
For example: A rule to suppress anger does not keep people from becoming angry. But it does assure that any one who shows anger in a family setting has broken the family rule.
Other rules which were once necessary or appropriate remain in place far past their usefulness. Families strive to maintain the status quo. This perpetuation gives the family strength and the security of continuity by telling us who we are and why.
Status quo can also be stagnating. We need both innovations and maintenance of the status quo.
Families remain forever caught between the inevitability of change and the resistance to that change.
Divorce or death, of course, is a major family change.
Families usually view divorce as the end of the family and some view death in the same manner. However, that is not so.
The family endures. It changes, some of the rules even change, but it endures.
Even in divorced. blended or widowed families, there are dynamics that continue. Single parent families operate in many of the same ways that two parent families do.
CyberParent Recommended books for Blended Families:
Note: The opinions expressedherein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect theposition of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of ahealth, legal, or other professional whose expertise you might need to seek.