In a blended family, stepparents often have a feeling of isolation when around their stepchildren and their spouse. Parents have had many years to build a relationship with their children.
Stepparents' Often Feel Isolated in a Blended Family
In a blended family, the biological parents have had many years to build a relationship with their children.
|Being a Stepparent....often
brings a feeling of isolation from the biological parent and child.
A stepmother or stepfather must realize that his/her new stepchildren have had special relationships in their single-parent family for years.
Parents, on the other hand, have had many years to build relationships with their children.
Let's take an example: Ann has been divorced for six years. She has been dating Ron for the last two years.
As their relationship became more serious, Ron took on more and more of the "stepfather" duties with Ann's nine-year-old son Johnny.
Ron and Ann are getting married in June.
Ron worries because he still feels left out of Ann and Johnny's life from time-to-time. He wonders if he will ever "catch-up" with Ann in Johnny's eyes. Probably not.
Ron really can't compare Ann and Johnny's six-year single-parent relationship to Ron and Johnny's two years together at the most. It is totally unreasonable to think that a two year old relationship is going to outweigh a parent-child relationship of six years standing, no matter how good the intentions of all parties concerned.
Most stepfathers and stepmothers feel a sense of isolation. The parent child relationship is built on a the history of the parent and child. Even when they make a concentrated effort to let the stepparent into the relationship, the stepparent will still feel isolated, left out of the loop as it were, because he does not know how to relate to the parent and child the way they relate to each other.
Building new relationships takes a lot of time and will probably never equal the first relationship, unless the children involved are very, very young when a stepparent arrives on the scene.
Nancy divorced when she was three months pregnant with her second child. Nancy remarried when her second child, Leah, was 15 months old and her older child, Neal, was seven.
Although Gill, her new husband, felt that sense of isolation with the seven-year-old, he formed a quick father-daughter bond with the toddler.
The children are now 10-years and 16-years old. Gill says, "It took about three years for me to get over my feeling of extreme isolation with Neal and Nancy. In fact, I still feel they have a world without me from time-to-time. However, I never really had that feeling with Leah and Nancy. Leah was a baby when we married and I am the only real father she has ever known."
Additional information about stepparenting, stepfamilies.
CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information:
Return to Blended Family Directory.
|Blended Family Roots||Family Factors||Myth: Blended Family Equals Instant Famil|
|Introducing Blended Families||Second Marriages with Children||Discipline for Blended Families.|
|Blended Family||Blended or Blender?||New Stepparent: Now What?|
|Stages in Blended Family||Family Rules and Dynamics||Building Kinship|
|Six Common Blended Family Conflicts||Stepfathers: A fact of life in America today.||Stepparents Feel Isolated in Blended Family|
|Book Review: The Blended Family Sourcebook||Book Review: Blending Families|
|Book Review: The Courage to Be a Stepmom||Book Review: Divorce and New Beginnings|
|Book Review: Stepcoupling||Book Review: Step Wars|
|Book Review: Step Wise||Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents.|
|Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic||Book Review: Boundaries|
|Book Review: The Combined Family||Book Review: Living in a StepFamily|
|CD Review: Pick Me Up||DVD Review: The Happiest Baby on Block|
|VHS Review: Baby See 'n Sign||VHS Review: Sign with Your Baby|
|VHS Review: The Wiggles-20 Videos|
Green Building and Remodeling
Copyright © 1997-2010 CyberParent. All rights reserved.
Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health, legal, or other professional whose expertise you might need to seek.