Book Review by Jan Wilson

The Courage to Be a Stepmom: Finding Your Place Without Losing Yourself

by Sue Patton Thoele

It takes courage from both parents to start a new family and a lot of that courage must come from mom. This is a positive book that puts many of the myths of stepmotherhood to rest. 

It takes courage from both parents to start a new family but a lot of that courage must come from mom. Sue Thoele, a psychotherapist, mom, & stepmom, draws from her own experience as a stepmother to bring that courage to other stepmoms. She also uses interviews from over 30 other stepmothers to bring reality to the book.

The underlying premises of the book are

• You have to be willing to grow yourself in order to promote growth in your stepfamily.

• Being a stepmom is extremely challenging and is sometimes quite painful.

• Being a stepmom is potentially quite rewarding as a life role.

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• You must take care of and nurture yourself for your own sake as well as the benefit of all family members.

Who’s taking care of mom? Often no one.

Realistic tools are given for communication, priority setting and making a place for mom in the family. 

The book also addresses stepmothers’ commonly felt emotions--guilt, shame, grief, frustration, and fear--and offers hands-on advice for acknowledging and dealing with them. 

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The author encourages stepmothers to look within and work with their feelings, expectations and beliefs to build a successful stepfamily.  A good book for veteran stepmothers and a lifesaver for new stepmoms, this is a positive book that puts many of the myths of stepmotherhood to a well-deserved rest. 

Book Review: Copyright © 2004 CyberParent. All rights reserved.

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