Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. Gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. |
For years there has been a wealth of study and forthcoming
information about women's psyches. Unfortunately, there still remains a certain "male
mystique," particularly concerning men's relations with women. "The male mystique has served men well in disguising the truth about their fears and insecurities; it has protected them from being a disappointment to women," Dr. Connell Cowan and Dr. Melvin Kinder write in their book Women Men Love/Women Men Leave. It also contributes to the confusions and tensions that emerge in relationships. |
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Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. |
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Often, even as men and women are drawn to each other,
feelings of wariness and suspicion are heightened--the so-called "battle of the
genders." This "battle" rises from the way men and women view love, experience closeness, and derive comfort from intimacy. Although men and women value love equally and place the same emphasis and importance on finding and sustaining a close union, there is generally a difference in the way they relate to intimacy. A woman's bonding zone, the position where she feels comfortable and fulfilled, is very close to 100% attached. Men alternate between a wish for attachment and a wish for separateness. They feel most comfortable and willing to bond in the middle; they want to be between separated and attached.. This disparity is built-in to male/female relationships by our society's socialization process of boys and girls. Cowan and Kinder also write, "When men reach a state of Attachment, they experience anxieties about engulfment and weakness. Conversely, when they move too far in the direction of Separateness, they begin to feel subtle but nagging fears about abandonment, isolation, and aloneness. "When you compare this with women's ideal zone for bonding, it becomes clear that there is a built-in clash between what women want and what men want." If the bonding zone that is most comfortable for women is one that makes men feel engulfed and trapped, the "battleground" is set! More ->
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