Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. Gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. |
Most women have experienced men's approach/avoidance behavior: a
romantic and loving approach that turns into avoidance when emotional intensity builds.
Women are left confused and unhappy. Most men have experienced the crowded and trapped feeling of being in a close relationship: a feeling that makes them push for more "space." Without this space, men often feel engulfed and tension builds. |
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Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. |
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While this tension is at the core of many male/female
conflicts, it also forms the basis of interest and attraction between men and women. Cowan and Kinder write, "The intriguing clash between men and women is always present. Men continue to dance between the desire for autonomy and the desire for intimacy. Women continue to seek affirmations of intimacy. "We believe that it is essential to understand that these differences never disappear; they are ongoing throughout our shared experience with a mate. "We may mistakenly believe that differences exist only during the early stages of love and that with sufficient caring, trust, and time we eventually will become one with our lover and will experience no more conflict." It won't happen. However, "Love" doesn't simply materialize. It is learned and shaped by all life's experiences, both as children and adults. So the good news is that if "Love" is learned, it can be changed. It is possible to understand the differences between men and women and then learn to deal with them. A simple factor destroys many relationships: both the man and the woman continue to do exactly the same thing over and over. They go on behaving in the same old ways, often because they feel they must change their mate/lover's behavior rather than their own. This is not true. When one person in a relationship changes, the other person is forced to
respond in a new way, and thus must change also. Change is frightening, but it can also be
an adventure and the first step in breaking the battle of the genders. |
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