Battle2

Gender: Is change possible in the battle of the sexes.

Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships. Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships.

Battle of the Genders
Is change possible?

Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. Gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships.

Most women have experienced men’s approach/avoidance behavior: a romantic and loving approach that turns into avoidance when emotional intensity builds. Women are left confused and unhappy.

Most men have experienced the crowded and trapped feeling of being in a close relationship: a feeling that makes them push for more "space."  Without this space, men often feel engulfed and tension builds.

   

Understanding the opposite gender means understanding that gender differences, intimacy factor, attached and separate, gender roles and gender correctness are magnified by relationships.

The Intimacy Story

intimacyscale.gif (9241 bytes)
The intimacy story helps explain the battle between the genders.

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While this tension is at the core of many male/female conflicts, it also forms the basis of interest and attraction between men and women.

Cowan and Kinder write, "The intriguing clash between men and women is always present. Men continue to dance between the desire for autonomy and the desire for intimacy. Women continue to seek affirmations of intimacy.

"We believe that it is essential to understand that these differences never disappear; they are ongoing throughout our shared experience with a mate.

"We may mistakenly believe that differences exist only during the early stages of love and that with sufficient caring, trust, and time we eventually will become one with our lover and will experience no more conflict."

It won’t happen.
So the bad news is that "Love with a capital L"  will not magically alter fundamental process we use to socialize boys and girls in our society.

However, "Love"  doesn’t simply materialize. It is learned and shaped by all life’s experiences, both as children and adults.

So the good news is that if "Love" is learned, it can be changed.

It is possible to understand the differences between men and women and then learn to deal with them.

A simple factor destroys many relationships: both the man and the woman continue to do exactly the same thing over and over. They go on behaving in the same old ways, often because they feel they must change their mate/lover’s behavior rather than their own.  

This is not true.

When one person in a relationship changes, the other person is forced to respond in a new way, and thus must change also. Change is frightening, but it can also be an adventure and the first step in breaking the battle of the genders.

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