Battle3

Genders How does the battle start?

Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. Yet this battle starts at birth.

Battle of the Genders

How does it start?

While battles start  at birth,  gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. 

The differences between men and women start at birth as parents and society begin the socialization process.

The  need  to separate from "mother" and  become  an  independent self, causes different problems for boys and girls.

  

Gender misunderstandings can hurt relationships. Yet this battle starts at birth.

The Intimacy Story

intimacyscale.gif (9241 bytes)
The intimacy story helps explain the battle between the genders.

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Boys must separate from "mother" to  form  a gender  identity.  This causes boys to form a  set  of  defenses against  abandonment by "mother" and to form a strongly  separate sense of self.

Because this separation of "mother" and boy comes before  the  ability to express complex  emotional  responses  in words, a man often cannot talk comfortably about what his  feelings mean to him. Emotions are dangerous and make him feel vulnerable. Reason and logic provide protection.

William Pollack in his book Real Boys: Rescuing Our Sons From the Myths of Boyhood, writes that boys are expected to detach or pull away from their mothers before they should.

A man then spends his life  torn between a desire for close and intimate  relationships  with  women and a defense  against  any  relationship where  intimacy  and intensity are strong enough to mimic the strength of the relationship with his mother.

The girl child has less need to separate from "mother." Thus, she becomes a woman who needs relationships. Relationships offer safety while isolation offers  threats. 

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