Love and Marriage: Which comes first: Love or Marriage. It is somewhat of a chicken and egg situation. Are "arranged" marriages best or "love" marriages best.

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Love and Marriage: When people go into marriages with the expectations of lasting love, whether they are arranged by parents, a personal matchmaker, or ignited by chemistry, love and marriage have the best chance of enduring.

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Which comes first: Love or Marriage?

It is somewhat of a chicken and egg situation.

Can two people learn to love each other?

Yes, according to a study by Gupta and Singh. Their study suggests that love in arranged marriage starts out very low but can
increase gradually over a period of years, surpassing that of romantic
marriages after about five years.

This is partially true  because love in romantic marriages (also known to many as chemistry) 
declines steadily. Many studies have shown this to be true. 

For Americans and members of other cultures who think marriage must be grounded in love, romance, and chemistry, this seems impossible.

According to the PBS Television Special Lasting Love for Valentine’s in  2003, "Love is an enduring mystery to the human race. We don’t seem to know where is comes from, when it will strike, who it will attract us to and if it will last. Statistically, marriages in America have over a 65% chance of failure."

That is a dismal record. 

Although arranged marriages are not as common as they once were, supporters of arranged marriages in India say their divorce rates are lower than western society because parents are better able to choose a suitable partner for their children.

Regardless, many studies have suggested when people go into marriages with the expectations of lasting love, whether they are arranged by parents, a personal matchmaker, or ignited by chemistry, love and marriage have the best chance of enduring.

Love and Marriage

What about romance? Can it endure?

Answers here.

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In real life, marriage is about reciprocity and power. Marriages are not all wedded bliss and fantasy. Marriage is reciprocity and power, compromise and mutual support. Romantic love wanes fairly early in marriage and a power struggle ensues in the marriage. 

Love and Chemistry

Real Marriage: Bliss and Fantasy  or
Reciprocity, Compromise, and Power?

In real life, all marriages are  about reciprocity and power.

Married bliss and fantasy are for relationships and marriages in fairy tales and romance novels, reciprocity and power are for real marriages.

Will the real marriage please stand up?

Romantic love always ends in a power struggle within the marriage.  All couples go from romantic love to a less infatuated stage that heralds the onset of that struggle.

Romantic love can last a few weeks or even a few years, but, eventually lust or romantic love will begin to wane...

No marriage can avoid the power struggle as the couple decides who takes out the garbage, who washes the car, who balances the checkbook, who walks the dog, etc.  This power struggle can continue for years as the lives of the couple pass through various phases.

Package

Everyone is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special."  When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little to no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.

When you want a fantasy, you dream up a prince or princess, all wonderful. No person or relationship can live up to that dream.

So, the truth is, marriages are not made in heaven; marriages are made by two committed people right here on earth.

Additional information about love, loving, being loved.

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SOLO for Singles | Singles Personals | Shopping Place | CyberParent | DFW eMAG | Connections | Singles DFW