Abuse never gets better and almost always gets worse. It goes from name calling, insulting, and belittlement to physical violence and total humiliation. And the patter of making up and the promise "I will never do that again," are just ploys to keep you under his or her control. Abuse is about control and low self-esteem: his and yours.

Dr. Luv
The Relationship Coach

Dear Dr. Luv,

I was in a very serious relationship for a year and a half. Then one day one of the girls he was cheating on me with called the house.  I told him I was leaving.

He said it would be for the best and right now I am still in a lot of pain. He used to hit me and call me vulgar names;  once he even made me make pancakes in the nude as a punishment. I could never get the guts to leave until that day.

I need some impute as to how to
stop the pain I feel.

Abused

This column is for educational and entertainment purposes. The advice given is merely my thoughts. Professional advice should be sought before
any decisions are made.

Email your letters to: luv@cyberparent.com

or snail mail to
Dr. Luv
P.O. Box 610314
D/FW Airport, TX 75261

Meet Dr. Luv

Reply from Dr. Luv

Dear Abused,

Your story is unique to you but repeats itself daily in many women's lives. Abuse never gets better and almost always gets worse.

It goes from name calling, insulting, and belittlement to physical violence and total humiliation. And the patter of making up and the promise "I will
never do that again," are just ploys to keep you under his or her control.

Abuse is about control and low self-esteem: his and yours.

Leaving him was the best thing you can do for yourself and him.

Seek help in a support groups like Al-a-Non, Sex or Love Anonymous, and/or seek
professional counseling. This will be the best thing for you.

You didn't say whether there were any children involved. However, if children are involved,  think about what you are teaching them by example.

The longer a person is in an abusive relationship, the harder it is to get out. Cut your losses and run, don't walk away from this man.

Ask yourself, "Is this the way I want to be treated the rest of my life?"

If the answer is NO then it's
time for you to change how you pick men. This may already be a pattern or could become one and repeat itself in another relationship if you don't do something about it now.

Two books that may help you are When Helping You is Hurting Me By Carman Reenee Berry, and Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You By Jordan Paul, and Margaret Paul .

Keep busy and take care of you; life is too short to spend it being abused and unloved. You deserve love, kindness and a gentleman who truly cares for you.

Good Luck,

Dr. Luv

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