Handicapped child leads mother to verbal abuse.
Children with handicaps of any sort have special requirements. In addition, parents may need support, education, and counseling. If verbal and mental abuse are present, these are real concerns also, because these types of abuse last just as long as physical abuse.
Dear Dr. Luv,
We found your website covering the dynamics of abuse but we’re not sure how we are supposed to access your counseling beyond use of the e-mail address given there.
In any case, here is our problem:
Our daughter was devastated by this event in her life and has fiercely defended him against all outside criticism, but in the past year, voicing the feeling that his birth "ruined my life," she has become extremely verbally abusive toward him, screaming at and cursing at every infraction.
All attempts on our part to intervene are met first, with denial that any problem exists and finally, with the accusation, primarily on the part of her husband, that we are "interfering" in their parenting.
We love our daughter very much and always have been very close to her but this is putting a terrible strain on our relationship.
How can we get her to realize the terrible pain her verbal abuse is causing our grandson and all of us?
Please let us know by e-mail if we should seek an answer to this dilemma on your website or through e-mail counseling here.
We would be most grateful.
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Reply from Dr. Luv
I understand your situation. It is one that causes much pain and suffering. I will say that this child will have some special requirements.
Find out from the medical arena what support is available for your daughter’s family and your grandson.
The doctors that did the surgery may be able to give you some references and help.
There are agencies, private and governmental, that can help with professional evaluation and financial assistance if needed.
Contact the Mental Health Association in your area. You may find a support group for all of you through M.H.A.
You might also seek out a good mental health counselor who works with children and adults. The counselor may be able to help your daughter with her problems.
Your best approach may be education.
Read all you can.
Most areas have classes for parents whose children have suffered this type of trauma.
Do your homework, then give the results to your daughter and son-in-law. Pray they will use them wisely.
There is no easy answer with this situation and the reference that you are "interfering" may be just a defense used out of fear.
You didn’t say how old your daughter is but denial is usually a factor with parents of any age whose children have a handicap.
Assure your daughter that your only concerns are for the well-being of the family and your grandson.
Your concerns are real. Verbal and mental abuses are just as damaging as physical abuse and last just as long.
Be gentle with everyone; this is not easy for anyone.
Good Luck and God Bless,
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