I am shy and learning disabled.
Dr. Luv looks at shyness when meeting the opposite sex compounded by a learning disability. Male surfer asks for help in overcoming shyness when meeting the opposite sex.
Shy and Slow
Dear Dr. Luv,
Although I am extremely shy something else about me gets in the way too, and that is that I am a slow learner. When you add that on top of being shy it becomes more extremely difficult to boot.
My question is this. Do you ever get any shy women that are also slow learner that tell you that they are also slow on top of being extremely shy who looking for both?
When I say both shy and slow. Actually that is a learning disability that I have, being a slow learner. I really don’t like using the words learning disabled because it sounds like more of a putdown on oneself. That is why I say slow learner instead, plus it sounds a lot better too.
Shy and Slow
This column is for educational and entertainment purposes. The advice given is merely my thoughts. Professional advice should be sought before
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Reply from Dr. Luv
Dear Shy and Slow,
First shyness is something we all face, some of us are just better at hiding it than others, or we deal with it differently.
Shyness can be overcome but it takes practice and risk. The risk is of rejection but that can be lessened it you take the risk in small steps.
Set yourself a goal of talking to a stranger while waiting in line at the grocery store or anywhere else. Just say something about the weather or complement something about the person.
Start a conversation, nothing more, and notice how people respond.
Another thing is to talk to some friend, a woman you know, and tell her about your learning problem. Notice what happens.
Then practice daily in your imagination meeting people and how you will start the conversation.
What will you say first; what will you say if they respond positively; what will you say if they respond negatively?
Imagine the worst case scenarios. And then ask yourself: "In 5 years will this matter to me; in 3 years will this matter to me; in 1 year; 6 months; a week."
Remember it is your perception or your personal belief that keeps you from meeting someone. There is someone out there for everyone but in order to meet them we have to set aside our false fears and risk saying, "Hello."
Being slow or having a learning disability and being shy may slow you down.
However it may be a blessing because you might take more time to get to know someone and create a real friendship before getting too involved.
Remember this: everyone is uncomfortable during the early stages of getting to know someone new.
Remember when your friends were new and how they are today with you.
And know this: A stranger is just a friend you haven’t gotten to know yet.
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