Loneliness follows the end of a stormy relationship–a relationship that was going nowhere. Surfer wants to know how to get over loneliness so leaving lover will stick this time.
Dr. Luv The Relationship Coach
Letter 50 Ways to Lose a Lover!
Dear Dr. Luv,
I am recently separated from my lover who really isn’t right for me after a stormy on-again, off-again relationship. I can’t believe how lonely it is without him. That relationship is going nowhere and I know it. Yet I keep leaving, then going back, because I can’t stand being this lonely.
What can I do to get over the loneliness so leaving this go-nowhere love will stick this time?
Lonely in Arlington
This column is for educational and entertainment purposes. The advice given is merely my thoughts. Professional advice should be sought before any decisions are made.
Wash the sheets, wash the towels, disinfect the place, get his smell out off everything, take a shower, and wash your hair. Heed the song "I’m Gonna Wash That Man Right Out of My Hair."
Take any pictures of him and hide them or throw them away. Then get involved in work, with hobbies, and be with friends. Keep busy.
It’s normal for you to feel lonely, but you may want to ask yourself, "Is this the way I want to spend (waste) my time and life?"
Going back again and again is saying to him, "It’s really OK for you to treat me this way. I like it."
And that’s not what you want to do, is it?
The roller coaster relationships are addictive: the highs are so good. But when we reach the high we know it will be followed by a real low and vice versa.
Breaking this cycle takes time and commitment. Your problem is more about a co-dependency relationship.
You may even benefit from a counselor or support group. Al-a-Non is a support group for the family and friends of alcoholics, but it is more. You might try an Al-a-Non group for 5 or 6 weeks. At least you will be out and with other people.
Time will help but sooner or later finding a replacement for this loser will be the best thing.