Stepparents' Q & A

Questions asked by many stepparents and some quick answers.

Parents who support each other and who are consistent. Consistent: easy to say, hard to do. Plan some time as a family and some time alone with the biological child.

If you are the new stepparent, realize that the children already have a mom and a dad. Don't ever expect to take the place of a parent. If you don't expect that you won't be disappointed when you don't.

When the biological parent leaves children with the new stepparent, the parent should make certain the children understand the stepparent is in charge. It is dangerous for the child and the marriage, when the person who is taking care has no authority or his or her discipline is undermined.

For example, biological dad and stepmom:

Child says: "You're not my mother and I don't have to mind you."
This can be stopped by the biological father saying, "She is not your mother, but she is my wife, and she is your caretaker. You do have to respect her and mind her when you are in our house or care."

IT'S EASY TO SAY WHAT PEOPLE SHOULD DO TO HAVE A HEALTHY FAMILY LIFE; BUT IN REALITY, PRACTICING  WHAT IS PREACHED ISN'T ALWAYS SO EASY. MANY PEOPLE ARE JUST SURVIVING THE BEST WAY THEY KNOW HOW. WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IS IT TO INITIATE POSITIVE PARENTING? 

It is the responsibility of the biological parent in theory. However, in reality, it is the responsibility of both parents if they want their marriage to succeed and be happy. In my experience, I have seen the stepfather, the nonbiological parent, seemingly make more effort than the natural mother, to be a positive influence in the lives of his new stepsons.

WHAT IS IT IMPORTANT FOR ADOLESCENT CHILDREN TO UNDERSTAND WHEN THEIR PARENTS GET DIVORCED?
They did not cause the divorce. Both parents still love them. Their needs as a family and as a teen will still be met.

CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information:

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