Stepparents and professionals
answer questions about stepfamilies. |
As the blended family becomes more prevalent, we find
stepparents giving each other advice. This is a page for stepparents and professionals to
answer questions.
Question:
To Whom it may concern:
I've been with a man for the past year and a half and he has a two year
old son. The son accepts me fine but the ex-girlfriend does not. She
will not let me kiss his son good-bye or when I drop him off she yanks
him from my arms. She has also taught her son to tell me I am bad or a
bitch.
Do you have any advice for me?
I love this little boy to death,
but I don't want him to start hating me because of things his mother says
about me. We only see him once during the week and every other weekend
so I only have that little time to show him that I love him. She is one
of the biggest influences in his life, what can I do?
MT
Answer 1:
When he starts to call you names, pick him up and twirl him around,
tickle him, or do something playful where you both laugh. He doesn't
know what bitch or hate mean. He is like a parrot at this age. Don't act
shocked, act tickled.
Rather than wait for the door, tell him good-bye in the car or other
private place with a hug, kiss, and "I love you," then walk him to his
mother so she can not take him from your arms. He will quite naturally
be more interested in hugging and paying attention to his mom when he
gets home so say your good-byes in another private place.
Leave quickly when you get him home. Don't give her time to be ugly or
spiteful in front of him. And realize you will have a hard time competing at this time with a mom he has not seen in a day or so, so
don't try.
Children love someone who smiles, so keep smiling at him, no matter what
happens with his mom. And... get down on his level when you play. Hug him often and then
let
him go immediately if that is his desire. Children love a quick hug then
back to play. Read to him. Hold him in your lap and teach him to love books. This is a
great way to get kids to sleep.
Leave the discipline to his dad when you can--you be the playmate and
his mother will have a really hard time stopping a relationship from
forming at this age.
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