Stepparents and professionals answer questions about stepfamilies. |
As the blended family becomes more prevalent, we find stepparents giving each other advice. This is a page for stepparents and professionals to answer questions. Question: Can anyone help me? I am only 24 years old and
have been a step- In a nutshell, I am a stay at home mom. I have a 10 month old son. My step daughter stays with us the majority of the time. She only sees her mother for 4 hours on Mondays and Tuesdays, and every other weekend . Needless to say, I am the only full-time parent she has (my husband works 40 hours a week, and goes to night school). The full responsibility for her has been put on my shoulders, from school to doctors appointments to homework to dance class, soccer, and just about everything else. And on top of that, her mother hates me for being the primary care-giver, but does absolutely nothing to help the situation. She is extremely immature and will not even speak to me (trust me, I've tried). She is a very bad influence for her, in every way. She says extremely inappropriate things to her and puts her in the middle of her battle. My step-daughter is seeing a child therapist to help her deal with all the stress she's put through. She's even said herself that her mom is "bad" and "mean" and "lies when she says she's a good mom". But my husband is afraid to do anything
drastic about it because he things if they end up going to court, she'll get
her. There is no court order for them, it is just an oral agreement all this
time (they were never married). So, here I am, stuck in the middle, loving and Thank you, Answer: I think at this time you are doing all you can do. It is hard to be an unselfish and mature stepmom when mom is being so childish and selfish. The only thing we have going for us is that our reward comes from the love our stepchild has for us. I am ten years older than you are so I think you are amazing to have so
much insight at your age. Just hang in there. Fathers (married or not) are getting more
rights all the time and it may work out for you to have your stepdaughter in the future.
If not, you will know and your husband and stepdaughter will know what a positive
influence you have been in a child's life. Sometimes that is all the reward we need. |
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