Advice4

Letters from readers and CyberParent surfers.

Stepparents and professionals answer questions from stepfamilies.

Stepparents

Stepparents’ Questions and Answers

Stepparents and professionals  answer questions about stepfamilies.

As the blended family becomes more prevalent, we findstepparents giving each other advice. This is a page for stepparents and professionals toanswer questions.

Question:

Can anyone help me? I am only 24 years old and have been a step-
mother to a beautiful five-year-old girl for almost three years. We are very close, but the stress and tension between my husband and I is growing.

In a nutshell, I am a stay at home mom. I have a 10 month old son. My step daughter stays with us the majority of the time. She only sees her mother for 4 hours on Mondays and Tuesdays, and every other weekend . Needless to say, I am the only full-time parent she has (my husband works 40 hours a week, and goes to night school). The full responsibility for her has been put on my shoulders, from school to doctors appointments to homework to dance class, soccer, and just about everything else. And on top of that, her mother hates me for being the primary care-giver, but does absolutely nothing to help the situation. She is extremely immature and will not even speak to me (trust me, I’ve tried). She is a very bad influence for her, in every way. She says extremely inappropriate things to her and puts her in the middle of her battle. My step-daughter is seeing a child therapist to help her deal with all the stress she’s put through. She’s even said herself that her mom is "bad" and "mean" and "lies when she says she’s a good mom".

But my husband is afraid to do anything drastic about it because he things if they end up going to court, she’ll get her. There is no court order for them, it is just an oral agreement all this time (they were never married). So, here I am, stuck in the middle, loving and
caring for her, while I listen to her cry about the stuff her mom says and does, yet being entirely powerless to do anything about it. Can anyone give me advice on how to handle this?

Thank you,
JH

Answer:

 I have a similar situation so I can relate.

I think at this time you are doing all you can do. It is hard to be anunselfish and mature stepmom when mom is being so childish and selfish. The only thing wehave going for us is that our reward comes from the love our stepchild has for us.

I am ten years older than you are so I think you are amazing to have somuch insight at your age. Just hang in there. Fathers (married or not) are getting morerights all the time and it may work out for you to have your stepdaughter in the future.If not, you will know and your husband and stepdaughter will know what a positiveinfluence you have been in a child’s life. Sometimes that is all the reward we need.
WOD

 

 

 

 

 

Question:

I am a stepmom to adult children. Not only do they have problems with eachother, they have problems with me and my children. It’s a war!!

LN

Answer:

I had somewhat the same problems when I was first married and a stepmom to adult children. First I read some books on getting along with adult children–mine and  stepchildren. I decided to take the easy way and just stay out of everything that I could. Over the years all these children (7 total between us) seem to have worked out their own problems. I hope the same thing will happen for you. Just stay as detached as possible… Don’t take sides and be outloud about the fact that you can’t take sides, even with your own children.

Good luck
SS
Additional information about stepparenting,stepfamilies.

Previous Questions and Answers

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.

Large Play Mats roll-up for storage between  rainy days or stepkids’ visits.


Review mat
| Buy mat


Review mat 
| Buy mat


Go Away Monster!
Board Game
Review game |
Buy game

Don’t Make Me Laugh, Jr Board Game
Review Game |
Buy Game


Zingo
Board Game
Review Game Buy Game


Tin box Version Cranium’s Cadoo, Family Game
Review game
| Buy game


Review Ready Bed with easily inflatable mattresses for grandkids’ visits or popular gifts with boy’s or girl’s favorite characters.

 

Outstanding Links
Singles Profiles
Connections
Dating Web
Dating Again
Dating Tips 
Dating with Kids 
Dinner-Match 
Earth Singles  Intimacy-Opposite Sex 
Local Singles Webs
Loneliness 
Love Poems & Quotes
 
Lying and Dating
Relationships
Safely Single
Self-Esteem
Shy 
Single Rose
Single Seniors

Singles Meet 
Singles Store
SOLO for Singles 
Speed Dating  
Suddenly Single

Abuse 
Alternative Medicine

Baby’s Sign Language

Be a Matchmaker 
Birthday Book 
Blended Family
Books
Boys: Parenting
Breast Feeding 
Choose Personal Matchmaker
Communication
Discipline Your Child
Divorce
Dr. Luv
Eating Healthy
Esteem for Children
Family
Fitness
Friendship
Gender Understanding 
Games for Kids
 

Gifts
 
Gifts for Men

Girls: Parenting
Grandparents
Heart Express
  
Holistic Health
 
Homefront
Kids’ Activities 
Intimate Lovers
Love & Chemistry 
Love & Marriage  
Men 
Music & More Music

Nutrition
Organic Garden

Organic Food

Parenting 
Rainforest 
Recipes 
Romance 
Second Marriage
Seniors

Shopping Place 
Single Parents
Spoiling Infants
Sports & Recreation
Stepparents
Stress 
Teach Kids Right/Wrong
 
Teens: by/for teens   
Toys for Kids

Traveling
Travel with Kids 
Ultra Music 
Wedding
Wheels
Women
You
DFW e-MAG
Living Tips Beauty Tips 
Dating/Meeting Tips for Singles 
Happiness 
Love & Romance Tips 
Lunchbox Notes 
Math/Science Fun for Kids Stay in Touch with  Kids-Grandkids 
Free Newsletters
CyberParent 
Singles 
GrandParenting
Earth Friends 
DFW Happenings 
 

 

CyberParent Recommended Gifts for Kids and Step Children


Review All Rescue Heroes


 Rush Hour Board Game-Puzzle
Review Game | Buy Game
Buy Extra Cards


My First Words Matching Game 
Review Game
Buy Game


Buy
bus  
Review pop-up bus


Buy this truck 
Review All Trucks

Review Ready Bed with easily inflatable mattresses for stepkids’ visits or popular gifts.

Buy  doll house  
Buy AA

Review

Accessories

Buy this doll  Buy AA doll
Review

Accessories


Review All the Wiggles

Returnto Stepparents Directory.

Book Review:  The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review:  Blending Families
Book Review:  The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review:  Divorce and New Beginnings
Book Review:  Stepcoupling Book Review:  Step Wars
Book Review: Step Wise Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents.
Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic
Book Review:  The Combined Family Book Review:  Living in a StepFamily

home.GIF (548 bytes)cyberparents.GIF (706 bytes)grandparents.GIF (701 bytes)single parents.GIF (712 bytes)stepparents.GIF (902 bytes)for kids only.GIF (692 bytes)for men only.GIF (887 bytes)for women only.GIF (918 bytes)leisure.GIF (564 bytes)lifestyles.GIF (851 bytes)relating.GIF (592 bytes)shopping place.GIF (737 bytes)table of contents.GIF (517 bytes)you.GIF (512 bytes)contact.GIF (627 bytes)

 

Contact
Copyright © 1997-2006 CyberParent. All rights reserved.
Certain images: Copyright © 1994-1996. T-Maker Company. All rights reserved.
Many photographs, letters, questions, answers, and items of advice in the StepParent Webwere submitted by our surfers. We thank you for participating.

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.