Buildkin

Building  kin and blended families.

Blended family secret: The challenge for couples who areblending their families is to acknowledge the ways they are different from the unbrokenfamily. Then they can establish a new, but satisfying, form of kinship.

Stepparents

Building Kinship: An Evolution in America! Instant Kin-or-Instant War?

Joy Stevens

Kinship requires patience and understanding. It does not come overnight nor does it come from wishing for a dream family.

The divorce rate in the United States is over 50%. This means broken original families, then remarriage involving a blended family with his and her children. As the twentieth century draws to a close, it is reported that one-third to one-half (depending upon the report) of all Americans belong to stepfamilies.

Blended family-type arrangements are tough enough when only one partner brings children to the relationship. Add the complications of two sets of children and it can be very tough to almost impossible.

Blending children from two (or more) families does not mean you acquire instant love–very often all you acquire is instant problems and sometimes instant war!

Stereotypes, preconceptions, and dreams of the perfect family can lead to disappointment.

Kinship requires patience and understanding. It does not come overnight or from wishing for a dream family.

The challenge for couples who are blending their families is to acknowledge the ways they are different from the unbroken family.

Then they can establish a new, but satisfying, form of kinship.

A key factor in the success of a blended family is the age of the children at the time of the new relationship.

If the children are young, less than five or six for example, their personalities are still being formed and time is on the side of the blended family’s success.

However, when children are over nine or ten, personalities and relationships within a family are well-formed.

Building new relationships will take patience–and possibly some luck.

A Texas stepmom, Brenda, reported a real effort to "mother" her new stepchildren, "I had never intended to become a mother. However, you get tied up in the day-to day mothering process when you have two children, ages 5 and 9, for the holidays and most of the summer.

"Once I felt like a mother, I expected them to feel like I was their mother, too. They never did although the younger child has more motherly feelings for me than her older brother.

"After four years I am a friend and confidant to both and satisfied with that role. However, it took some time for me to come to grips with my emotions. The desire to be ‘mom’ was stronger than I expected."

It does depend on the individual children involved, of course, but the relationship between the two adults is the most important variable influencing the outcome.

Therefore, the adults in the relationship should put their union  first. If that relationship is not strong, then the blended family has a slim chance of success.

 

 

 

 

However, when children are over nine or ten, personalities and relationships within a family are well-formed.

Building new relationships will take patience–and possibly some luck.

A Texas stepmom, Brenda, reported a real effort to "mother" her new stepchildren, "I had never intended to become a mother. However, you get tied up in the day-to day mothering process when you have two children, ages 5 and 9, for the holidays and most of the summer.

"Once I felt like a mother, I expected them to feel like I was their mother, too. They never did although the younger child has more motherly feelings for me than her older brother.

"After four years I am a friend and confidant to both and satisfied with that role. However, it took some time for me to come to grips with my emotions. The desire to be ‘mom’ was stronger than I expected."

It does depend on the individual children involved, of course, but the relationship between the two adults is the most important variable influencing the outcome.

Therefore, the adults in the relationship should put that relationship first. If that relationship is not strong, then the blended family has a slim chance of success.

 

 

 

What say you?
Send your experiences that support or negate this article. Cut and paste the URL of this article as the top line of your reply to be positive we get your experience with the correct article! We will not use a full name or an email address online. CyberParent will publish as many replies as possible. CyberParent does reserve the right to edit or delete replies.

Outstanding Links
Singles Profiles
Connections
Dating Web
Dating Again
Dating Tips 
Dating with Kids 
Dinner-Match 
Earth Singles  Intimacy-Opposite Sex 
Local Singles Webs
Loneliness 
Love Poems & Quotes
 
Lying and Dating
Relationships
Safely Single
Self-Esteem
Shy 
Single Rose
Single Seniors

Singles Meet 
Singles Store
SOLO for Singles 
Speed Dating  
Suddenly Single

Abuse 
Alternative Medicine

Baby’s Sign Language

Be a Matchmaker 
Birthday Book 
Blended Family
Books
Boys: Parenting
Breast Feeding 
Choose Personal Matchmaker
Communication
Discipline Your Child
Divorce
Dr. Luv
Eating Healthy
Esteem for Children
Family
Fitness
Friendship
Gender Understanding 
Games for Kids
 

Gifts
 
Gifts for Men

Girls: Parenting
Grandparents
Heart Express
  
Holistic Health
 
Homefront
Kids’ Activities 
Intimate Lovers
Love & Chemistry 
Love & Marriage  
Men 
Music & More Music

Nutrition
Organic Garden

Organic Food

Parenting 
Rainforest 
Recipes 
Romance 
Second Marriage
Seniors

Shopping Place 
Single Parents
Spoiling Infants
Sports & Recreation
Stepparents
Stress 
Teach Kids Right/Wrong
 
Teens: by/for teens   
Toys for Kids

Traveling
Travel with Kids 
Ultra Music 
Wedding
Wheels
Women
You
DFW e-MAG
Living Tips Beauty Tips 
Dating/Meeting Tips for Singles 
Happiness 
Love & Romance Tips 
Lunchbox Notes 
Math/Science Fun for Kids Stay in Touch with  Kids-Grandkids 
Free Newsletters
CyberParent 
Singles 
GrandParenting
Earth Friends 
DFW Happenings 
 

 

CyberParent Recommended Gifts for Kids and Step Children


Review All Rescue Heroes


 Rush Hour Board Game-Puzzle
Review Game | Buy Game
Buy Extra Cards


My First Words Matching Game 
Review Game
Buy Game


Buy
bus  
Review pop-up bus


Buy this truck 
Review All Trucks

Review Ready Bed with easily inflatable mattresses for stepkids’ visits or popular gifts.

Buy  doll house  
Buy AA

Review

Accessories

Buy this doll  Buy AA doll
Review

Accessories


Review All the Wiggles

Returnto Stepparents Directory.

Book Review:  The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review:  Blending Families
Book Review:  The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review:  Divorce and New Beginnings
Book Review:  Stepcoupling Book Review:  Step Wars
Book Review: Step Wise Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents.
Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic
Book Review:  The Combined Family Book Review:  Living in a StepFamily

home.GIF (548 bytes)cyberparents.GIF (706 bytes)grandparents.GIF (701 bytes)single parents.GIF (712 bytes)stepparents.GIF (902 bytes)for kids only.GIF (692 bytes)for men only.GIF (887 bytes)for women only.GIF (918 bytes)leisure.GIF (564 bytes)lifestyles.GIF (851 bytes)relating.GIF (592 bytes)shopping place.GIF (737 bytes)table of contents.GIF (517 bytes)you.GIF (512 bytes)contact.GIF (627 bytes)

 

Contact
Copyright © 1997-2006 CyberParent. All rights reserved.
Certain images: Copyright © 1994-1996. T-Maker Company. All rights reserved.
Many photographs, letters, questions, answers, and items of advice in the StepParent Webwere submitted by our surfers. We thank you for participating.

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.