Support sought on being a stepparent. Letters from CyberParent readers.

OUR DAUGHTER IS KEEPING US FROM SEEING OUR GRANDCHILDREN. WHAT DO WE DO TO
GET VISITATION RIGHTS TO SEE THEM? THEIR FATHER LETS US SEE THEM WHEN HE HAS
THEM BUT THAT'S ONLY FOR 2 HOURS EVERY TWO WEEKS. THAT'S JUST NOT ENOUGH. WE
ARE DESPERATELY IN NEED OF ADVICE OF WHAT WE CAN DO TO SEE THEM. WE HAVE BEEN
AN ACTIVE PART IN THEIR LIVES SO FAR AND THEY KNOW THAT IT'S THEIR MOTHER THAT
IS KEEPING US FROM SEEING THEM. BUT THIS HAS TO STOP.
THEY ARE ONLY 4 AND 5 YEARS OLD, AND WANT TO SEE US.

WE LIVE IN TUCSON, AZ WHAT CAN WE DO?

PLEASE E-MAIL US WITH WHATEVER INFORMATION YOU CAN TO GIVE US TO HELP WITH
THIS PROBLEM.

THANKS FOR YOUR HELP,
CHRIS AND DAVID

Hello, my name is Michelle. I married my husband 8 years ago and
we have a 6 year old boy. I had the first three years with
my husband and they were not perfect, there were a lot of issues going on.
Two years ago we inherited his daughter from his first marriage who
is now 15 years old. I have never been or seen anyone be
"quite like she", you name it, she's done it. Sometimes I want to run to a
lawyer and file the papers. I cry, hate, feel hopeless, depressed, and
sometimes even suicide enters my mind. I've been to therapist, they do
nothing for me.

I am 34 years old my husband is 44. He is a good man, he
does everything by the book. His book. I don't know why I am doing
this...I'm dying inside.

Answer

You say that you have been to a therapist & it hasn't worked. Perhaps it was just the wrong one.
You're cry for help has truly touched my heart.Please don't take this the wrong way,but I believe a psyciatrist is
your best bet.Aside from offering psycotherapy, he/she will be able to prescribe
antidepressants and any other medication the deem necessary. Please don't give up,you have a
six year old boy that needs his mommy very much.There are many memories to make yet. I know
what you speak of when you say you are dying inside. I can relate to the feeling of everything
closing in on you,as you sink deeper and deeper you feel like your drowning and noone gives a
hoot. Don't delay getting help right NOW! No excuses or procrastination,you deserve a happy
life! As for the 15 year old, it sounds like she is still angry inside about her parents
divorce,and she is taking it out on you.Get her to a child psycologist for her sanity and your
own. You didn't specify what type of marital problems you have and are experiencing.
Communication is the key to a succesful marriage. Good communication envolves really listening
as well as talking. If you are finding it difficult to speak to your husband,sit down and write
him a letter.Don't be accusatory or ego deflatting.Talk from your heart not your anger or
resentment. The book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus,offers great letter writting
techniques if you're not quite sure how to go about it. In your letter be honest about
everything,including the thoughts of suicide. Tell your husband you love him and need his help
more than anything else in the whole world right now. He may suprise you,and say I had no idea
things were so bad for you,what can I do to help. Men in general like to fix things that are
broken,by asking for his help you reinforce his need to be needed and become Mr fix it. It
gives them a great sense of pride when they are able to fix something. But be prepared to
listen really listen to his side. Don't react negatively,take time to think about what he has
had to say. May calmer heads prevail! I also reccomend that if you haven't been to church in a
while,that you start attending regularly. It's amazing how it helps to heal the heart and gives
you another purpose for living with love as God intended. I'm not trying to preach to you. You
just need to know all your options. Maybe your husband will agree to marriage counselling,once
he knows how deeply you are hurting and realizes this is just another way for him to help fix
things. You will figure things out,and life will have order again. You are special,there isn't
anyone exactly like you in the entire world. The best of luck to you Michelle. I know you
will make it,because you've already taken the first step by asking for help. Be good to
yourself,you deserve it!!!!
PM

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