Letters7

Stepparenting: More questions, answers and letters from CyberParent surfers.

Stepparents’ feedback and questions about being astepparent. Letters from CyberParent readers.

StepParents’ Letters

Step Parenting

I’m looking for some advice on how totalk to my stepdaughter about who I am to her. She thinks I’m "Mommy." Herbiological mother has been out of her life since she was 2years old. I met her father whenshe was about 2 1/2 and we married a year later.

She is now 8 yrs. old and we think thatwe need to talk to her about it but we are not sure how to go about it. Any advice wouldhelp.

Thank you
Stepmom


Cyberparent,

I have 2 boys of my own 24yrs. & 21 yrs., my boyfriend & I are livingtogether but plan on getting married. He has 3 children a girl  24 yrs. old, a girl22 yrs. old & a boy 20 yrs. old.

None of these children live with us. My boyfriend & I have been togetherfor about 3 1/2 yrs. & moved to a new town. I got very depressed because I didn’tknow anyone but now we are starting to meet people. I don’t think he is as sociable as Iam & I sometimes wonder if we are going to compliment one another like I had thoughtoriginally.

I used to be shy when I was younger but as I got older I started to come out ofmy shell. Now I feel like I am starting all over again with my confidence with people& have a hard time just being natural. Sometimes I find it uncomfortable trying tocommunicate with him & his kids. I keep praying that as time goes on I will not feelthis way but sometimes I feel like I just want to run the other way.

My kids & I were always close & it’s hard not to want to be close withhis kids too. 

Can you give me any advice because we are talking about marriage & we aregoing to talk with our preacher before we take the big step. I was married before for 20years & my ex-husband had some addiction issues, mental abuse, & was a man who wasvery emotional & yelled a lot. My boyfriend is just the opposite but sometimes Ialmost think he is to serious. Maybe you can just shed a little light on the subject.

I know we can’t change people. At first I thought he was antisocial, althoughhe never complained about going to things with my family & now we found a churchtogether & found friends but in the back of my mind the quietness still kind of bugsme. What would you suggest that I do about not letting this bother me that much & justbe myself. I think I expect everything to be exciting all the time & I know that’s notnormal. I find myself having a hard time making conversation with other people & endedup quitting my job because I became to depressed & couldn’t talk to people and startedhaving problems with severe anxiety.

I am doctoring with a doctor but I would like to resolve these things. So I canfeel comfortable with myself again.

There are other things in the family that are also going on with sickness &one of my children has an addiction problem that I have been dealing with for 6 years. Thechurch & the people have actually helped me the most more
than any counselor has but there still is the marriage thing that I want to make sure. Ifailed once & I don’t want to go down that path again. If you have any feedback aboutadult children in new marriages please write me.

Jan


I will soon be inheriting a stepson who is 14 years old. I feel as
though we have already bonded, but as far as parenting a 14 year old,
I’m lost. I have two kids that are 6 and 7 that adore him as well.

Before I played a role in Allen’s life, he and his father ate out nearly
every night. I’ve tried to put a stop to that by making appealing
dinners and special treats include eating out once or twice a week. He
gets frustrated sometimes and wants to eat out more often. He thinks
money grows on trees.

He’s so easy to be a friend to, but I have to learn to be a parent as
well. Furthermore, he’s at an age where he’s no longer a child, but not
an adult either. That’s where I get confused. I’m not sure to include
or exclude him in many adult matters.

Help!

Kindest regards,

Terrie K
St. Louis, MO


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