Stepparenting: More questions, answers and letters from CyberParent surfers.
Stepparents’ feedback and questions about being astepparent. Letters from CyberParent readers.
I’ve been divorced for 4 years, separated for seven. My ex remarried two years ago and for the past 16 months I have been blessed with a wonderful relationship. The problem is that my two girls, ages 10 and 14, can’t accept that I have a boyfriend. They feel threatened by him, act out when he is around, and constantly demand my attention on those few occasions where we do try to "blend." I have made a point of seeing him when the kids are with their dad but even then, the girls are angry that I’ve spent time with him.
I have done everything I can to reassure them that I will never abandon them and that for both my boyfriend and me their needs come first. But for some reason they can’t hear that. It’s almost like I’m the kid and they’re the parents. I feel torn between my love for them and my love for my boyfriend. We’ve both said that if anything breaks us up it will be my kids because they just can’t tolerate sharing me with anyone else. HELP!!!
I feel like over the last six months my stepdaughter (age 9) has gone berserk. She has been living with my husband and I for the last 4 years and she has been going to therapy sporadically. She and I have always had a wonderful relationship. Then my husband and I had our own daughter and I wanted to make sure Ronetta (my stepdaughter) didn’t feel left out. In included her when we named the baby, bathed her, bought clothes, feedings. The whole nine yards. Now the baby is 2 years old and can do things on her own and doesn’t want the help. Unfortunately, when my daughter turned two, my stepdaughter started acting up in school, failing every subject, mouthing off, she started her menstrual cycle, began to develop and she seems to want to argue with me at every turn. I expected this from a 14 to 16 year old rebellious teen. She claims not know why her behavior suddenly changed and so far a therapist can’t answer that question either. The problem I am having is I am tired of dealing with so much of the drama. The arguing or asking her to do something 5 or 6 times until I have to threaten some type of punishment. The jealous behavior (of her sister). The demanding of certain items. Sneaking things to school. Getting phone calls from school because of her behavior. I am beginning to resent the choice of being a stepparent because I feel like no matter what I do or say and I am the evil B***H of a mother and I love her sister more than her. I have never treated her that way and I have always professed my love. Can anyone relate? If you can relate, any suggestions for helping me cope during this trying time?
Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.