Controlling your emotions in negotiations.

Controlling emotions is thefirst step in negotiations. Don’t let people push your hot buttons in negotiations. Getwhat you want   by negotiating. Just remember that an important part of negotiationis being able to maintain control of your emotions. Fear, anger, threats are emotionalparts of negotiating. Negotiate by not allowing people to push your hot buttons. Anyonewho has ever successfully negotiated a compromise has probably controlled emotions.



Negotiations are part of all relationships. Friends, family, spouses, lovers, co-workers all negotiate and compromise.

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Controlling Your Emotions

A relationship is a series of compromises. These compromises may be proceeded by fear or anger, and even by threats. Marriage and family life are no exception.

Fear and anger are emotions. Threats may or may not be preceded by emotions. Often they are.

Emotions may sometimes get you what you want in your relationship. Often they do not.

Probably the best way to get what you want from your spouse or family is by compromise and negotiation. An important part of negotiation, however,  is being able to maintain control of your emotions.

coupledine.gif (7392 bytes) Negotiations and compormise are part of relationships.

Negotiations and compromises are part of any relationship. Negotiate without emotion for best results.


An essential part of negotiating is controlling your emotions. Don’t let people push your hot buttons.

You might think that you need to  control the behavior of your spouse or family member. Most people do believe they need to control the behavior of the family member with whom they are negotiating.

So, contrary to what you may believe, the behavior you need to control is your own.

This means you can not let your negotiating partner(s) push your buttons.   That first requires knowing what your hot buttons are.

Then you need to be able to identify the tactics your partner can use to push your buttons and make you lose emotional control.

Normally you will find people use one of four ways to push your buttons:

1. Attacking you or yours .

2. Intimidating you by insults, harassment, or playing the part of a bully.  

3. Refusal to budge. You feel like you have hit a brick wall here.

 4. Deceiving you in some manner so that you give in. Deception can take the form of::

  • Lies
  • Manipulation, possibly by acting as if you have reached agreement,  then adding on a demand.

If you can recognize the tactic your spouse or family member is using to push your hot buttons, you can avoid reacting by just shrugging off this tactic.

How do you shrug is off?

If someone is pushing a hot button, you  need to remove yourself, mentally or physically, and regroup. It doesn’t do any good to respond when you are angry or frustrated. 

Instead, pause. Take a break and go back over what has been said.

If your partner is not agreeable to a break, excuse yourself  to the bathroom. Stay long enough to go over your options and cool down.

While you are cooling down, your partner is also cooling down.

To get what you want, don’t become emotional and don’t be pressured into making quick decisions.

Quick or emotional decisions are often mistakes. Don’t decide  in haste. Whenever possible take time to sleep on your decisions.

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