This book will help you take responsibilityfor your own relationships rather than putting the blame on others.
Book Review by Pat McChristie
Keeping The Love You Find A Personal Guide
by Harville Hendrix, PhD
This is a timeless book that applies to singles as they prepare for a lasting and rewarding relationship and for couples as they keep the love they have found.
As much as we all hate to admit this, we are the common thread in all of our failed relationships. This book will help you take responsibility for your own relationships rather than putting the blame on others.
Hendrix writes that we enter into relationships to meet certain needs; most of them are needs unmet in our childhood. He says we all seek our "Imago," an unconscious image of the person our childhood programmed us to fall in love with. The Imago is like a homing device that drives us to repeat ourselves, choosing over and over the facsimiles of our caretakers’ worst traits.
We also seek an Imago who possesses traits of our "Denied Self." These are negative traits from our parents that we cannot bear to recognize in our own behavior.
By choosing a partner with the traits we deny in ourselves such as compassion or aggression, we can be a whole person without having to take responsibility for aspects of ourselves that make us uncomfortable. We seek in another person those traits that have been buried and repressed in ourselves.
Through a series of exercises (which only help if you soul search and do the exercises completely and thoughtfully), the author leads you to the place you can make love in your relationship, not war.