Letters about abuse from Cyberparent readers.

Abuse: Abuse is an international problem.Questions, letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.

Letters from Surfers.

My son just turned 4 years old and his father has only been seeinghim forabout the last year, first supervised visitation, now he gets him frequently.Nathan does not want to go with him and he usually has to persuade him in someway. Recently (last two months) we have noticed that Nathan won’t let me,babysitter out of his sight. We have to go to the restroom with him, he won’tgo in his bedroom or any other room without someone with him. He tells methat Josh (his dad) tells him there are monsters in our house, monsters cankill you and so on. We have tried to explain to Nathan monsters are not real.My mom even went to the extreme of telling Nathan on Sunday morning when Joshcame to pick him up that she had given him an "angel" and that God and hisangel would protect him from anything, especially monsters. He came back thatnight mad at us because Josh had told him angels were evil monsters too! Isthis considered mental abuse? Nathan is a changed child, very afraid,apprehensive and angry. Unsure what to do about it. Any help would begreatly appreciated.Gina

Dear DavidMay I offer my sincere and heartfelt thanks to you for the informationon your website: ‘Abused: physical, verbal, emotional abuse of men,women & childrenI don’t know if you are aware of the fact that very few site exist forthose abused by women. I and my three sisters were brutally terrorizedby our mother for all of our childhood. We are all in our 40s now, buther damage is still being perpetrated on to the next generation. One ofmy sisters repeated the abuse we suffered on her two girls. Anothersister does not abuse her 4 children, but married an abuser and lets himabuse her and the children. The last sister I can’t tell you about, sheran away from home at age 15 (she’ll be 40 now if still alive) and we’venot seen or heard from her since.Just recently for some unknown reason I started looking on the internetfor some kind of information on women abusers. I think maybe I wastrying to find some understanding of why our mother would hate us somuch and why she could torture and frighten and abuse us the way shedid.What I found shocked me so much David. I truly felt I had been abusedall over again. Everywhere it talks of men as evil, raping, batteringdevils and women as helpless defenseless victims, and if they did abuseit was only in self defense – It truly felt like my pain and sufferingdidn’t count. Because a woman abused me it wasn’t really abuse nor isit important. I truly cannot tell you how that affected me. For a fewweeks I started having the nightmares I’d had all my childhood and for along time after leaving home and I started feeling that same physicalpanic in the pit of my stomach I lived with for so many years. It hasbeen a very upsetting and difficult period.I’m telling you this David, not to try to illicit sympathy or just toget it off my chest, but to try to illustrate to you how sincerelygrateful I am to you and the very very few who are not blinded to thetruth. Abuse hurts everyone.I have read a speech from some American women who’s a ‘big-wig’ in thepolitical arena. (I’m sorry I forget her name just now) But she statedthat (in my own words but I do have the Link to the information page) But she said. "It’s possible a few men are suffering but this cannotdetract from the suffering of women and it is not important against oursuffering."I’ve been so shocked at the manipulation of facts by the new feministsand their ability to get away with misquoting serious studies to fit inwith what suits their purpose. Early on I found the N.O.W. (NationalOrganization Of Women) website. I’d not realized at this time theirgender bias and male hatred so I searched their site for ‘abusivewomen’, ‘violent women’ ‘women who abuse children’ and then tried’abused men’ battered men’ and ‘husband abuse’ but nothing wasavailable.. 🙁 I e-mailed them to ask why this is so, and they repliedthat they had ‘no printed matter on the subject’What is hurting me so much is I keep thinking of those who today aresuffering at the hands of a woman as me and my three sisters did. Wherecan they go? When we were young we couldn’t go anywhere – I tried twicebut no one really believed us and one adult I told actually went to seemy mother to ask about what I’d told her (you can imagine theconsequences of that stupid act – I was beaten to a pulp) One sister -the one who is now living with an abusive man – actually ran away tosocial services, but all they did was call our mother to come pick herup from their office. Poor Helen was beaten so badly she had to stay infor two weeks so no one would see her :(So you see, telling anyone is a terrifying thing. But if everywhere youlook it only talks of men abusing where can you go? I know I would nottrust any of the shelters if they are all women and it states in theirinformation ‘women and children’ I know that I could never dare trustan agency that thinks women are only victims or those that abuse areonly defending themselves.So Thank You very much David, you have done a most valuable thing :)May I take this (early) opportunity to wish you and your loved ones ahealthy and peaceful HolidayYours sincerelySue

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