Letters5

Letters about abuse and abusive relationships.

Abuse:Abusive relationships: Questions,letters, venting and pleas for help from CyberParent readers.

Letters from Surfers

I guess I’ll start from the beginning. my brother divorced about 4 years ago,it was a nasty divorce, with the mother using the child as a pawn in thedivorce. My brother was not one to fight back and therefore made the divorcego as quickly as possible. When the divorce was over joint custody wasgranted. When visitation began my nephew began displaying signs of mentalabuse such as, saying he was left alone, his mommy wouldn’t talk tohim…mostly petty things. but we all took them as in he was playing hismother and father against each other.

In September of 97 my brother committed suicide. leaving his son with hismother. She has been so far accommodating to the visitation for our family.However the problem of the stories has gotten worse. He throws extreme fits(he is 6 years old)to the point that he hurts himself. I saw him last night and he hadscratchesall over his face. I had asked him how he had gotten them and he said that"his mommy wasn’t listening to him". I am just barely skimming the top ofeverything that has happened with his mother. She treats him like an adult,such as asking him 2 days after his father died, "If mommy died who do you wantto live with"….. mind you he had just turned 5 at this time.

Bottom line myquestion is….is there anything I can do to help him…his mother doesn’t seethat there is anything wrong with him….everytime I see him he falls furtherinto his own world which isn’t anywhere close to reality.Please adviseThank you

How do you regain self esteem after being in a completely draining abusiverelationship? I havebeen verbally, physically, and financially abused and am just trying to recover myself andeven trustmen again. I am 28, people I trust think I am very attractive, I still look young enoughto be asked formy identification but I have no self esteem anymore. I just need to know how I can buildit. I have beenin one only verbally abusive relationship with a alcoholic left him for a super cute, 24year oldcharmer and found myself after two years being verbally, physically abused since hethought I wascheating on him after we were to be married in 3 months. Of course, I was NOT unfaithfulto him buthe is a Latin, extremely jealous obsessive man who always obsessed about thinking I wascheatingon him. Finally, he exploded tearing up my apartment, throwing a chair at my beautifulpiano, brokethe front door, and through me to the ground as hard as he could. I have left him, kickedhim out ofthe apartment. But, he tries to come back all charismatic and I really do not have muchself esteemto move on. After I found out he was telling my friends I was a whore after we broke up, Ihavedecided to call block him and never let him back into my life again. It is hard totrust another manand build my self esteem again. Any suggestions ? I am a successful, financially selfsufficientwoman(self employed) who somehow the men I have been involved with feel very inferior tothis.Economically, they were not equal and seemed to take it out on me for being successful. Iam nowgoing to counseling to break the cycle because I cannot waste any more time in this kindofrelationship.KP

My sisters & I have recently found out from our mother that our father hashadseveral extramarital affairs over the course of their 28 years of marriage.We have also found out that our father has started to physically abuse ourmother. Because none of us lives at home anymore, we do not know the fullextent of the emotional & physical abuse. What can we do to intervene for ourmother? How should we confront our father?MJ

Answer

Maybe you could start by talking to your mother. In the long run, shewill have to help herself but you can certainly lend support, emotionally and financially.

Good luck,EL

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