Letters6

Letters and emails about abuse.

Abuse: Questions, letters, venting andpleas for help from CyberParent readers.

Letters from Surfers.

I read your letters and am trying to start to recover from theresults ofverbal then of course physical abuse. It’s awful that once their gone andof course move on to another victim you still love them and want them to be theperson you fell in love with. My has been gone 8 months and we have anautistic daughter together she’s beautiful and he’s the best dad. I wish Icould bottle that, but there is this monster lurking around the corner andit’s horrible. I tried to protect this new girl (being 21) and I 45 I saygirl but, she wouldn’t listen because he’s putting his best foot forward, Iwonder what she will think when it starts to happen and I’ve been assured itwill it does not go away. I wish non of us men or women had to write aboutthis but, sometimes at least you know that your not crazy and it is happening.thanks

JL

Hi. My name is Elizabeth. I have a few ?’s I am hoping someone cananswerfor me. I have a 9 month old daughter and live with my now ex-fiancée.Granted I know I have done things to upset him in the past, and I do take fullresponsibility for them. I have told him a few lies, but no not once cheatedon him. Anyway, while I was pregnant, we were living at my dad’s house andhe’d get mad at me and push me down a hallway, throw me into a washer, and pullmy hair hard enough to drag me out of the bath tub. He is always calling menames such as "biggest pile of sh*t or b*tch he’s ever known, and telling meI’m worthless and lazy. Granted the apartment we now have isn’t immaculate, butthere is a 9 month old here, I try my hardest. This past weekend, I had toldhim I wanted to see other people and went out with a few friends to go see amovie. When I got back, Dan was outside with a baseball bat. I didn’t seehim. The male friend that brought me home gave me a kiss on my cheek becausehe knew I was going through a hard time. I get out, see Dan, and walk pasthim to go upstairs to the apartment. When I get up there and told him thatyes I am sure it is over. He gets upset and throws the Christmas tree acrossthe room. Shelby, the baby, was at my mom’s for the night. I tried leavingand he blocked the door and kept pulling at my arms and legs after I hadthrown myself on the couch bawling. I told him to leave me alone but hepersisted on following. He threw me down the hallway which made me run forthe bedroom, before I could lock it, he was still grabbing my arms and legs asI was screaming for him to stop. I swung at him to keep him away and in turn,he wound up hitting my head 3 times, causing me to be in the ER with aconcussion at 4am. He told the nurses we were playing on the bed and I felloff. Now I want out, but my mother says I need to stay with him because ofShelby. So does the rest of my family. They wont let me stay with them.They said that its my own fault that Dan hit me, because I shouldn’t have goneout. Dan is still apologizing but I don’t want to be with him anymore. Mymother and he said that if I do move out (even though I have nowhere to go),that they will go for full custody of Shelby. The only place I can go is myfriend Sue’s house, who isn’t a very clean person and doesn’t want Shelby therebecause she has 4 kids and only 3 bedrooms. We have the apartment through ahousing plan governmentally funded and they said there is no way I can kickDan out because both our names are on the lease. He can leave willingly butwont go back to MI where he is from because he said its too far away fromShelby. I guess I cant blame him on that one. Now what I could do is write aletter to the housing plan and tell them I am moving out, but then Dan wouldhave to move too, and I know my mother would let him stay with her if need bewith Shelby, but I refuse to let my daughter live with both of them. I won’tstay at a shelter either because I don’t trust them, like them, and would feelway too uncomfortable. Is there any advice you can give me or anything I cando????Please help,Desperately confused,~Elizabeth~

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