A divorce can be difficult for everyone involved. A divorce brings a big change for a child, it can take an emotional and physical toll on them, and as the parent, you have a responsibility to ensure that their best interests are always put first.
Both parents need to work together around the children and provide support.
The parents’ ability to listen, speak the truth, and show understanding of the child’s emotions can lessen the negative effects of divorce.
It’s also crucial that parents take care of themselves so you can support your child along the bumpy journey.
In the article below, we take a closer look at 4 ways how you can prepare your child for your divorce and life afterward:
1. Keep Case Details Away from The Children
Once you decide to get a divorce, the first step you must take is to find a reputable divorce lawyer that will be by your side during this difficult time and provide you with the right information, sense of safety, security, and confidence.
They know the ins and outs of the court systems, legal procedures, parental rights such as visitation rights, what happens to a trust in a divorce, child support, alimony payments, and much more.
However, this doesn’t mean you should lie or keep secrets about how things will change. Your children will not be thrilled to hear what they’ll have to, but keeping things from them will only lead to more feelings of hurt and anger.
It’s normal for curious children to take a peek at the many documents that come along with a divorce but make sure you don’t leave information about the proceeding where they can access it and don’t expose them to more information than necessary.
2. Practice What to Say Before Telling Your Kids
Telling your children about the divorce is truly the most sensitive step of the entire process. Parents must be careful how they share this news with the children and practice what they’ll say beforehand.
This can either establish a nurturing environment or the exact opposite during the divorce and make the process a lot more challenging.
Before breaking the news to your kids, practice what to say, draft a co-parenting plan with your soon-to-be-ex-spouse and try to determine living arrangements during the divorce, making sure both of you are on the same page about issues that concern your children as stability is essential for all parties involved.
Remember to reassure your children that the family will still be a family after the finalization of the divorce.
3. Respect Their Emotions
It’s completely normal for a child to feel upset and angry and as a parent, you should encourage them to share how they’re feeling.
This is easier said than done because it might be difficult to hear what the child has to say but giving them the chance, to be honest, is vital.
Children try to protect their parents by hiding the truth about how they feel because they don’t want to make the situation worse, but if the kids are worried about their unhappy parents and the break-up, it will have a negative impact on their emotional well-being in the long run.
Therefore, do your best to listen and not intervene as your child voices their concerns and emotions. Take a step back and just listen and this will make your child feel heard and make them feel that their opinion matters.
Showing empathy validates their emotions by saying that you understand what they’re feeling.
4. Consider What Your Children Want and Monitor Their Behaviour
Parents have the last word, but this doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t consider what your kids want. Some kids have thoughts and wishes on what the visitation hours should look like.
If they want to spend more of their time with the other parent, you shouldn’t take offense. They might simply feel that they need more bonding time with that parent.
Research shows that divorce significantly increases the probability of risk behaviors in children, such as fighting, cigarette smoking, alcohol intake, and substance abuse.
This could be a cry for attention so parents should have a conversation about why they’re acting out and see what they can do to help.
Professional help might be required if their behavior spirals out of control.
Final Thoughts
It’s perfectly normal for children to feel sadness, guilt, and a host of other emotions after their parents decide to call it quits.
It’s therefore important to remind everyone that “this too shall pass”.
As long as the parents handle things well and show their children, unconditional love, they can rise above, make the journey smoother and ease the pain.