Q & A: grandparents seek general advice about grandchildren.

Grandparenting advice: grandparents seek advice about their problems withtheir grandkids. Many want knowledge of grandparents’ raising grandkids.


Question & Answer

Grandparents seek advice about their problems withtheir grandkids.

My situation is so "out there," it makes me feel like a candidate for one of those awful daytime talk shows. My husband and I have been married 17 years. He has two daughters from a previous marriage, and we have three sons together. The older daughter is bisexual and "married" her female partner a year ago.

That partner is now expecting a baby, due in June. (We don’t know who the "father" is.) My stepdaughter wants us to feel excited about becoming grandparents, but neither my husband nor I feel much enthusiasm. He feels ill at ease because, as he says, "This isn’t really my grandchild"–there’s no biological connection. I feel even less connected–while I get along OK with my stepdaughter, her family situation is one I don’t feel ready to embrace.

How can my husband and I handle this situation so we can be true to ourselves and still act appropriately?


Just get to know that grandchild. It is very hard to get to know a baby and not learn to love the child. Then you will act as grandparents and it will be appropriate.


Just got back from court with our divorced son, He was verbally abused by his ex for years, but the main abuse now is the children; she has turned the kids against him. They use her verbal words to abuse him. She has transferred her abusive nature to them. The court will do nothing except send the kids and our son to counceling.

He has been to 7 councelors in three years, The evaluator has admitted the she is the problem and very paranoid. Nothing is done . The kids are now lost to the system and heaven help the future mates.

The Judges either can’t make a decision or won’t rock the boat. They call it a negative bond to the mother. Have any ideas? I’m exhausted and our son is a beaten man. No justice.


There really is no justice and child protective services, at least in my home state of Oregan, is no help either. Even when we suspect sexual abuse. If you can’t prove it in black-and-white to these people, you can forget it. They don’t even try to help here in Portland.



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My daughter went back to her husband in the middle of a divorce. She has another baby now. 2, and 6mos. They still fight like animals. He is verbally abusive and my daughter recently told me that he slapped her. I know it is SHE that has to make the decision. His father is a total psycho, and was told they have a restraining order against him since the holidays. I know her husband got his father stirred up on purpose, just to divert their own problems. As a grandma who listens to problems, but won’t offer advice to daughter anymore since she is going to do whatever, is starting to have problems with my husband. He feels she should leave, why did she stay with him etc. ??? I am in the middle. At this point I am concerned for the babies.
Any support groups for "TOO CONCERNED GRAMMA’S"???? 


There is always the library. I have read so many books on abuse, I am a walking encyclopedia. It is your best support, I guess.  The problem is in the courts and in the services that are supposed to help children. Unfortunately, they don’t work.


We are about to tell my husband’s parents that we are expecting….. They are Jewish….What are the Jewish and Yiddish names for grandmother and grandfather? Help?!?! Thanks so much.



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