As wonderful as marriage is, it’s very easy to become the victim of unfortunate circumstances.
When we marry someone, we share our whole life with them and all aspects of it – finances, emotions, safety, security, and more.
You want to be protected in more ways than one, including financially, mentally, and emotionally.
To make sure you are, it’s important to speak with your future spouse candidly on important financial matters, to honor and respect them, and – just in case – to run a background check.
Stay Safe Financially
Sitting down with the person and speaking to them about finances candidly is the first step. Before getting married, it’s a good idea to discuss lifestyle, debt, budgets, college, children, and even retirement goals.
The reason for this is to see if your values are in sync.
While you can’t expect to agree on everything, you can expect quite a bit of conflict and tension if your partner’s financial goals and money management skills are completely different from yours.
You can begin by sharing credit scores. If you decide to open a joint account down the line, the bank will check both your and your partner’s credit report.
The person with the better report will be burdened with the bulk of financial responsibility. It’s important to be careful. You may be entirely responsible for any debt should you face a divorce.
Definitely ask your future spouse about debt because excessive debt will put a huge strain on your marriage. You’ll be involved in paying it off even though the law does not hold you liable for debt your partner accumulated prior to marriage.
By running a background check, you will learn if they have any debt they’re hiding from you. You don’t want to be faced with nasty surprises.
By deciding how to deal with debt together, you’re building trust.
Make a Commitment
You should have already made one since you’re getting married, right? Ideally, yes. Realistically, it’s often not the case.
It might have slipped your mind that getting married might not be such a great idea after all. This thought alone can ruin one’s motivation.
To protect yourself from pain and disappointment, you need to decide divorce isn’t an option ahead of time.
Instead of thinking about life without marriage, committing will help you focus on building a stronger relationship.
Respect Your Partner
One paradox in life that’s often voiced by opponents of marriage: women get married with the idea to change the man, while men get married hoping the woman will never change.
Both of you will change. Change is inevitable.
Adapting to and appreciating the changes is important for any relationship. It should be easy to remember what attracted you to the person, to begin with.
Hopefully, this is a trait that will remain constant with time. Respect your partner and do things that honor them for who they are.
It’s easy to get distracted in the age of remote work, Netflix, and smartphones. It’s common to go without having a real conversation with your partner for days.
Talking about feelings, frustrations, dreams, and interests openly is an important way to protect yourself from surprises. Always let your future spouse voice their thoughts on a situation.
Pay close attention to what they’re saying. It will help to set some time aside every day to talk, free from distraction or interruption.
If you’ve been together for some time, you might be stuck in a routine. Plan dates together and think about the early days of your relationship. This is a great way to fuel the fire.
There are many ways to feel more energetic and attractive, especially if tying the knot is in your immediate future, make efforts to keep up with your fitness.
This will improve your sense of wellbeing and confidence. It will also be a way to spend more time with them, be it by preparing healthy meals or trying a new workout together.
Don’t Hold a Grudge
They will do something that upsets you and maybe on more than one occasion. The way to go about this depends on how serious the issue was. Attempt to resolve issues before getting married.
Harboring a grudge can fester and ultimately results in a breakup. Try to forgive them, and if you can’t, try to forget.
Forgiveness is a gift for both of you. Holding a grudge depletes emotional and mental resources and impacts your health more often than not.
If you have done something to upset them, apologize sincerely and ask them to forgive you.
To really understand why they’re upset, listen to them attentively.