Marriage is a huge commitment.
I mean, the vows themselves say through sickness and in health, for richer and for poorer, til death do them part.
And, in most cases, couples enter marriage because of the fullness of their deep romantic love for each other.
However, many couples will have this love tested over time. This is completely normal through the emotional evolution of one’s marriage, but the stress it causes doesn’t have to be normalized.
The Realities of Marriage
In any marriage, there is an adjustment period. You may have co-habitated before tying the knot, but being committed into a marriage is still a major life change.
However, this adjustment is more prominent and stressful when you are living with your partner for the first time.
The routine of everyday life brings unrealistic expectations. Once the honeymoon fever wears off, marital disenchantment takes its place.
Domestic and personal imperfections come into light and shortcoming can be blown out of proportion.
Those behaviors that you thought were “cute”? Now they drive you absolutely nuts.
And, now that you’re married, you’re likely going to be dealing not only with personal issues between you and your partner, but also in-law relationships and money matters.
This is surely enough to cause friction, stress and anxiety in your marriage.
People are going to tell you ad nauseam that “this is normal” and “every couple goes through this”.
Yes, most do, but experiencing marriage disharmony doesn’t have to be an accepted part of your marriage just because it is considered “normal”.
Marriage disharmony will occur when those negative emotions and actions take over. However, you have to power to become aware of your own hurtful attitudes or actions.
So does your partner.
Marriage is accepting who your partner is and finding respectful and sensitive ways to deal with conflicts and stressful situations.
It may not seem easy, but all it takes is practising self-control and learning to not have high expectations of your spouse. We are all human.
Tips for Creating a Healthy Marriage
No marriage is perfect but a healthy marriage only takes effort. If you find yourself dealing with a high stress marriage, try these tips for creating a healthy relationship:
- Understanding. We all need reassurance and you can reinforce with your partner by practising open and healthy communication. Don’t be defensive, be comfortable with apologize and listen to what they have to say with compassion and without judgment.
- Acceptance. All marriages experience obstacles and real love takes a lot of patience. Go beyond your illusions of the “perfect” marriage and work on accepting your spouse as an individual who has faults.
- Negotiate. A marriage is a partnership so you must know how to compromise or negotiate. With sacrifice, there has to be give and take. You both have the right to have your needs met.
- Rekindle. Bring back the love and intimacy. Sometimes this takes a lot of work but in order to have a healthy marriage, you have to be willing to invest the time in maintaining your connection to each other.
Not all stressful marriages are doomed. You and your partner have a responsibility to put aside differences for each other to make it work.
If you focus on having a healthy marriage, your relationship will certainly blossom the way it was meant to be.
And, at the end of the day, if the marriage doesn’t work out – wouldn’t you rather say you did everything you could to save it?
How do you deal with stress in your marriage? Let us know in the comments!