Introducing you as stepparent!

Stepparenting: Introduction to you as a stepparent.


Introducing You to Stepparenting

CyberParent Staff

The blended family has become the most common form of family. So common that the sociologists’ predictions that the "normal" family of the twenty-first century will have a mixture of children by different marriages has come true.

Kevin Leman, Ph.D., in his book Living in a Stepfamily Without Getting Stepped On writes, "Despite the odds against them, despite the bruising and shattering divorce (and sometimes more than one), people remain intrepid eternal optimists who try marriage again. In America alone, over thirteen hundred new blended families form every day. And most of the men and women who take the plunge naively expect that this time their marriage and family life will work because they won’t make the same mistakes. This time they have found Mr. Right or Mrs. Wonderful, and they will live harmoniously blended ever after."

Do they? Of course not. They get hit in the face with the reality of forming relationships.

Leman continues, "One of the major reasons that expectations get dashed on the rocks of reality is ‘the kids.’"

Bear in mind that Leman wrote this book in 1994. Statistics report the number of blended families are growing each year, not shrinking. In fact the blended family has become the most common form of family. So common that sociologists predict the "normal" family of the twenty-first century will have a mixture of children by different marriages.

One of the primary dilemmas facing the beginnings of many blended families is trying to function as a family before the adults and children have had time to decide how that will occur.

Nuclear/biological/natural (whatever you choose to call them) families grow up over time. Decisions are made one at a time and naturally evolve into something else. In a blended family everything from holidays to bedtime to daily routines must be decided at once.

Different family histories, traditions, memories, and sometimes even different cultures must be taken into account. The status quo must be challenged once again.

This is a time fraught with myths and lacking in reality. It is a time of chemistry, rushing hormones, lust, and high expectations. In short, it is a time of great emotions and little rationale for many family members.

It is also a time of guilt.

In her book Divorce and New Beginnings, Genevieve Clapp, Ph.D. writes, " Guilt is not an uncommon feeling in divorcing parents. Most parents want to do well by their kids and experience anxiety about the repercussions their divorce may have." In spite of the excitement of remarriage, guilt about the kids is often felt again:

  • Especially when they are unhappy at a time you are so happy.
  • Especially when you can not get to first base with your new spouse’s kids. (What am I doing wrong here?)
  • Especially when you can not blend the children of two nuclear families.
  • Especially when you knew this would be such a happy and rewarding time for you and your kids. After all, you are bringing them back into a "Brady Bunch" family, aren’t you?
  • And so on. We are reasonably sure you can add your own "especially" to our list.

The purpose of the StepParents Web is to get rid of the myths and the guilt seemingly inherent with the role of stepparent. Hopefully, this web will help potential stepparents start off on the right foot by shining the harsh light of reality on the role of stepparent.

We also hope to help stepparents stay realistic while coping with relationships that make many men and women rush right back to the divorce courts.

This is a ever-growing web. New articles will be added on a regular basis.

Additional information about stepparenting, stepfamilies.

Large Play Mats roll-up for storage between rainy days or stepkids’ visits. Review mat | Buy mat

Go Away Monster! Board Game Review game | Buy game

Don’t Make Me Laugh, Jr Board Game Review Game | Buy Game

Zingo Board Game Review Game | Buy Game

Tin box Version Cranium’s Cadoo, Family Game Review game | Buy game

Review Ready Bed with easily inflatable mattresses for grandkids’ visits or popular gifts with boy’s or girl’s favorite characters.

CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information: Introducing the StepParents’ Web StepParent Web Directory Q & A Series Blended Family Blended or Blender? New Stepparent: Now What? Stepkin: An Evolution What Is a Single Stepparent? Building Kinship Short and Long-Term Visitation Second Marriages with Children Both Are Non-Custody Parents Six Common Stepfamily Conflicts Thanks, Mike! Doggy-Blue

One Non-Custody Parent/Spouse Has Visitation Rights

Stepparents Seek Advice from Other Stepparents.

Stepfathers: A fact of life in America today.

Time-out: An Effective Discipline for Stepfamilies.

Multiple page series of letters about stepparenting from CyberParent surfers.

Genetic Engineering: What Is It and How Can It Affect My Family? Book Review: The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review: Blending Families Book Review: The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review: Divorce and New Beginnings Book Review: Stepcoupling Book Review: Step Wars Book Review: Step Wise Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents. Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic Book Review: The Combined Family Book Review: Living in a StepFamily

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.

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