Letters2

Letters and emails from CyberParent surfers.

Support sought on being a stepparent. Letters fromCyberParent readers.

StepParents’ Letters

Step Parenting

OUR DAUGHTER IS KEEPING US FROM SEEING OUR GRANDCHILDREN. WHAT DO WE DO TOGET VISITATION RIGHTS TO SEE THEM? THEIR FATHER LETS US SEE THEM WHEN HE HASTHEM BUT THAT’S ONLY FOR 2 HOURS EVERY TWO WEEKS. THAT’S JUST NOT ENOUGH. WEARE DESPERATELY IN NEED OF ADVICE OF WHAT WE CAN DO TO SEE THEM. WE HAVE BEENAN ACTIVE PART IN THEIR LIVES SO FAR AND THEY KNOW THAT IT’S THEIR MOTHER THATIS KEEPING US FROM SEEING THEM. BUT THIS HAS TO STOP.THEY ARE ONLY 4 AND 5 YEARS OLD, AND WANT TO SEE US.WE LIVE IN TUCSON, AZ WHAT CAN WE DO?PLEASE E-MAIL US WITH WHATEVER INFORMATION YOU CAN TO GIVE US TO HELP WITHTHIS PROBLEM.THANKS FOR YOUR HELP, CHRIS AND DAVID

Hello, my name is Michelle. I married my husband 8 years ago andwe have a 6 year old boy. I had the first three years withmy husband and they were not perfect, there were a lot of issues going on.Two years ago we inherited his daughter from his first marriage who is now 15 years old. I have never been or seen anyone be"quite like she", you name it, she’s done it. Sometimes I want to run to alawyer and file the papers. I cry, hate, feel hopeless, depressed, andsometimes even suicide enters my mind. I’ve been to therapist, they donothing for me.

I am 34 years old my husband is 44. He is a good man, hedoes everything by the book. His book. I don’t know why I am doingthis…I’m dying inside.

Answer

You say that you have been to a therapist & it hasn’t worked. Perhapsit was just the wrong one. You’re cry for help has truly touched my heart.Please don’t take this the wrong way,but Ibelieve a psyciatrist isyour best bet.Aside from offering psycotherapy, he/she will be able to prescribeantidepressants and any other medication the deem necessary. Please don’t give up,you haveasix year old boy that needs his mommy very much.There are many memories to make yet. Iknowwhat you speak of when you say you are dying inside. I can relate to the feeling ofeverythingclosing in on you,as you sink deeper and deeper you feel like your drowning and noonegives ahoot. Don’t delay getting help right NOW! No excuses or procrastination,you deserve ahappylife! As for the 15 year old, it sounds like she is still angry inside about her parentsdivorce,and she is taking it out on you.Get her to a child psycologist for her sanity andyourown. You didn’t specify what type of marital problems you have and are experiencing.Communication is the key to a succesful marriage. Good communication envolves reallylisteningas well as talking. If you are finding it difficult to speak to your husband,sit down andwritehim a letter.Don’t be accusatory or ego deflatting.Talk from your heart not your anger orresentment. The book Men are from Mars Women are from Venus,offers great letter writtingtechniques if you’re not quite sure how to go about it. In your letter be honest abouteverything,including the thoughts of suicide. Tell your husband you love him and need hishelpmore than anything else in the whole world right now. He may suprise you,and say I had noideathings were so bad for you,what can I do to help. Men in general like to fix things thatarebroken,by asking for his help you reinforce his need to be needed and become Mr fix it. Itgives them a great sense of pride when they are able to fix something. But be prepared tolisten really listen to his side. Don’t react negatively,take time to think about what hehashad to say. May calmer heads prevail! I also reccomend that if you haven’t been to churchin awhile,that you start attending regularly. It’s amazing how it helps to heal the heart andgivesyou another purpose for living with love as God intended. I’m not trying to preach to you.Youjust need to know all your options. Maybe your husband will agree to marriagecounselling,oncehe knows how deeply you are hurting and realizes this is just another way for him to helpfixthings. You will figure things out,and life will have order again. You are special,thereisn’tanyone exactly like you in the entire world. The best of luck to you Michelle. I know youwill make it,because you’ve already taken the first step by asking for help. Be good toyourself,you deserve it!!!!PM

CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information: Introducing the StepParents’ Web StepParent Web Directory Q & A Series Blended Family Blended or Blender? New Stepparent: Now What? Stepkin: An Evolution What Is a Single Stepparent? Building Kinship Short and Long-Term Visitation Second Marriages with Children Both Are Non-Custody Parents Six Common Stepfamily Conflicts Thanks, Mike! Doggy-Blue

One Non-Custody Parent/Spouse Has Visitation Rights

Stepparents Seek Advice from Other Stepparents.

Stepfathers: A fact of life in America today.

Time-out: An Effective Discipline for Stepfamilies.

Multiple page series of letters about stepparenting from CyberParent surfers.

Genetic Engineering: What Is It and How Can It Affect My Family? Book Review: The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review: Blending Families Book Review: The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review: Divorce and New Beginnings Book Review: Stepcoupling Book Review: Step Wars Book Review: Step Wise Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents. Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic Book Review: The Combined Family Book Review: Living in a StepFamily

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.

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