Stepparenting: More questions, answers and letters from CyberParent surfers.

Stepparents’ feedback and questions about being astepparent. Letters from CyberParent readers.

StepParents’ Letters

Step Parenting

I’ve been divorced for 4 years, separated for seven. My ex remarried
two years ago and for the past 16 months I have been blessed with a
wonderful relationship. The problem is that my two girls, ages 10 and
14, can’t accept that I have a boyfriend. They feel threatened by him,
act out when he is around, and constantly demand my attention on those
few occasions where we do try to "blend." I have made a point of seeing
him when the kids are with their dad but even then, the girls are angry
that I’ve spent time with him.

I have done everything I can to reassure them that I will never abandon
them and that for both my boyfriend and me their needs come first. But
for some reason they can’t hear that. It’s almost like I’m the kid and
they’re the parents. I feel torn between my love for them and my love
for my boyfriend. We’ve both said that if anything breaks us up it will
be my kids because they just can’t tolerate sharing me with anyone
else. HELP!!!

I feel like over the last six months my stepdaughter (age 9) has gone
berserk. She has been living with my husband and I for the last 4 years
and she has been going to therapy sporadically. She and I have always
had a wonderful relationship. Then my husband and I had our own
daughter and I wanted to make sure Ronetta (my stepdaughter) didn’t feel
left out. In included her when we named the baby, bathed her, bought
clothes, feedings. The whole nine yards. Now the baby is 2 years old
and can do things on her own and doesn’t want the help. Unfortunately,
when my daughter turned two, my stepdaughter started acting up in
school, failing every subject, mouthing off, she started her menstrual
cycle, began to develop and she seems to want to argue with me at every
turn. I expected this from a 14 to 16 year old rebellious teen. She
claims not know why her behavior suddenly changed and so far a therapist
can’t answer that question either. The problem I am having is I am
tired of dealing with so much of the drama. The arguing or asking her
to do something 5 or 6 times until I have to threaten some type of
punishment. The jealous behavior (of her sister). The demanding of
certain items. Sneaking things to school. Getting phone calls from
school because of her behavior. I am beginning to resent the choice of
being a stepparent because I feel like no matter what I do or say and I
am the evil B***H of a mother and I love her sister more than her. I
have never treated her that way and I have always professed my love.
Can anyone relate? If you can relate, any suggestions for helping me
cope during this trying time?

Hopelessly Frustrated!

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Returnto Stepparents Directory.

Book Review:  The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review:  Blending Families
Book Review:  The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review:  Divorce and New Beginnings
Book Review:  Stepcoupling Book Review:  Step Wars
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Book Review:  The Combined Family Book Review:  Living in a StepFamily

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