Stepparenting Questions, answers and letters from CyberParent surfers.

Questions about being a stepparent. Letters fromCyberParent readers.

StepParents’ Letters

Step Parenting

I am a new step-mom ( 6 months) of three wonderful children.  My husbandleft over five years ago due to the physical, emotional and verbal abuse from hisex.  He felt that she would not carry this over to the children – but I feel that shehas and am concerned about their well-being. 
What can we do? 

I am a recently remarried, working mother of two children.  A daughter,age 9, who lives with us and a son, age 19, who is away at college.  My husband alsohas a child from his first marriage – an 8 year old daughter.  Although we have onlybeen married for 4 short months, we have been a "family" for nearly four years.
My husband is a wonderful, loving and very dedicated father who has a very liberalvisitation schedule which includes every Wednesday, Saturday and Sunday.
Here’s the problem:  One year prior to our marriage, I offered to care for hisdaughter on the week-ends while he was working (then, just Saturday’s) During that period,I suggested to extend his visitation time with his daughter to include Friday aswell.  It all worked out so smoothly.  I never felt over-burdened.  Myhusband (boyfriend at the time) was very helpful and assisted with household tasks, mealprep, bathtime and even had a little leftover energy for the two of us.  But now thatwe are married, things have changed!!  My husband’s work load has increased and he isnow not only working every Saturday but every 3rd Sunday and as a result, he refuses tocontribute any assistance on the homefront and also refuses to recognize my feelings ofbeing overwhelmed by it all.  He still continues to participate in his weekly nightsout with the boys but, can never find the time or the energy for just the two of us.
To "lighten my load" I suggested that he revert back to his original visitationschedule, every other week-end, to allow me the alone time with my daughter, which she sodesperately needs from me.  To say that he was angered by such a suggestion would bea mild understatement! 

The past 4 days have been very miserable for me and have left me veryconfused.  I love my husband and step-daughter very much and there isn’t anything Iwouldn’t do for them however, I am building an enormous amount of resentment toward himdue to his lack of consideration on my part.  Am I being selfish or do I have a rightto my own mental well being?

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