Reallife

Stepparents in real life!

In real life, a second marriage with children is aboutreciprocity and stepkids.. Marriages are not all wedded bliss and fantasy. Add a few children suchas his, hers, and ours, and you have more reciprocity and compromise than bliss andfantasy.

Stepparents

Second Marriage with Children: Bliss and Fantasy or Reciprocity, Compromise, and Children?

Joy Stevens

Neither husband nor wife ever gets 100% of what he/she wants in any marriage.

People who think that any marriage is composed of bliss and excitement are headed for disappointment. Those marriages and relationships only exist in romance novels, movies or television, wild promises on the internet, and personal ads.

In real life, marriage is about reciprocity and power. In a second marriage with children, it is also about being united as a couple, but we will leave that subject to another time.

In any relationship, one person gets what he/she wants by giving the other person what she/he wants.

The husband gets what he wants in a second marriage by giving his wife what she wants.

The wife gets what she wants in a second marriage by giving her husband what he wants.

Neither husband nor wife ever gets 100% of what he/she wants in any marriage.

Marriage partners provide mutual support and help each other with mundane problems. They compliment each other and both contribute to the marriage, often by compromise.

The couple may dance by candlelight but it is after the dishes are washed, the lawn is mowed, and the children have gone to bed or to visit their other parent.

Real marriages take place in the everyday world. And second marriages with children are ever-so real.

Every marriage is a package deal: kind of like the "Blue Plate Special." When you marry, you acquire a package: some good, some bad, some wonderful, some horrible. As long as the good outweighs the bad, there is little-to-no horrible, and reciprocity and compromise rule the marriage, that is a good-enough marriage for most people.

When you want a fantasy, you dream up a prince or princess, all wonderful. No person or relationship can live up to that dream.

So, the truth is, marriages are not made in heaven; marriages are made by two committed people right here on earth.

Add a few children such as his, hers, and ours, and you have more reciprocity and compromise than bliss and fantasy.

Strolls on the beaches are part of the bliss you can expect when the kids have gone to visit their "other" parent. When they return, you can expect more reciprocity and compromise than bliss and fantasy. That’s reality!

Additional information about stepparenting, stepfamilies.

Large Play Mats roll-up for storage between rainy days or stepkids’ visits. Review mat | Buy mat

Go Away Monster! Board Game Review game | Buy game

Don’t Make Me Laugh, Jr Board Game Review Game | Buy Game

Zingo Board Game Review Game | Buy Game

Tin box Version Cranium’s Cadoo, Family Game Review game | Buy game

Review Ready Bed with easily inflatable mattresses for grandkids’ visits or popular gifts with boy’s or girl’s favorite characters.

CyberParent Recommended Reading for More Information: Introducing the StepParents’ Web StepParent Web Directory Q & A Series Blended Family Blended or Blender? New Stepparent: Now What? Stepkin: An Evolution What Is a Single Stepparent? Building Kinship Short and Long-Term Visitation Second Marriages with Children Both Are Non-Custody Parents Six Common Stepfamily Conflicts Thanks, Mike! Doggy-Blue

One Non-Custody Parent/Spouse Has Visitation Rights

Stepparents Seek Advice from Other Stepparents.

Stepfathers: A fact of life in America today.

Time-out: An Effective Discipline for Stepfamilies.

Multiple page series of letters about stepparenting from CyberParent surfers.

Genetic Engineering: What Is It and How Can It Affect My Family? Book Review: The Blended Family Sourcebook Book Review: Blending Families Book Review: The Courage to Be a Stepmom Book Review: Divorce and New Beginnings Book Review: Stepcoupling Book Review: Step Wars Book Review: Step Wise Book Review: Surviving Your Adolescents. Book Review: 1-2-3 Magic Book Review: The Combined Family Book Review: Living in a StepFamily

Note: The opinions expressed herein are exclusively those of the writers and do not necessarily reflect the position of CyberParent. They are not intended to take the place of advice of a health professional whose advice you might need to seek.

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