Change, and proactive change at that, is oftennecessary to do something about your life.

Single and… Doing something about your life.

Have you ever noticed that some people try to slip through life sideways? It is like they don’t want anyone to notice them.

Not much ever happens to these people. Their life is on permanent hold.

The easiest way to be single is to put your life on hold. It is also the surest path to remaining single and getting depressed.

Don’t wait for things to happen to you. They probably won’t!

In fact, the most likely thing to happen to waiters is nothing. Be proactive. Set goals. Make your life happen.

According to David Burns, M.D., people are doers. Consequently, you can substantially change the way you feel by changing the way you act.

Most people feel better immediately if they do anything at all.

Any action brings a feeling of accomplishment; a feeling of getting off dead-center.

However, there are three ways you can overwhelm yourself into doing nothing about your dating life:

1. You magnify the fear of rejection or other dating problems until dating seems an impossible task to tackle.

2. You assume you have to do everything at once: buy new clothes, get fit, lose weight, meet the opposite sex, learn to dance, etc. Break the dating process into small manageable units you can complete one step at a time.

3. You obsess about everything you have to do and have not yet done until you are paralyzed.

Try this. List three ways you can be proactive in your dating life in the next two months.

Break each way into weekly to-do lists or steps. Each time you complete a step, give yourself a big pat on the back.

Don’t expect perfection. If you can never settle for anyone short of perfect, you will defeat yourself and continually settle for nothing.

Don’t fear failure. If you evaluate yourself strictly on the outcome, rather than your personal effort during the dating process, your self-esteem takes a beating with each rejection.

All you can ever control is your personal input into the process. You can’t control the outcome.

Once you concentrate on the process itself, rather than the outcome of each date, you can learn from mistakes, attempt to correct them in the future, and take yourself off the emotional roller-coaster of the dating world.

And remember this. Young women are more likely to put their dating life on hold than young men are. That is because women are often raised to wait for things to happen to them, rather than make things happen.

Men are usually raised to make things happen.

This doesn’t mean men can’t be aggressive in work and leave play and dating to chance. It certainly happens.

In summary, both sexes can put their dating life on hold. But young women are more likely to put their life on the back burner. This unfortunate trait fades as women age and the supply of men shrinks.

So, take your life off the back burner and hit the ground running! As with everything else in life, the choice is yours.

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